Issue Forty EightHOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM NEWSLETTER Welcome to the latest edition of the HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM NEWSLETTER, which is published by script consultants Craig Kellem, Judy Kellem If you do not wish to receive this newsletter, please reply to this E-Mail and put the word "UNSUBSCRIBE" in the subject line. The purpose of this newsletter is to share information, ideas etc. concerning the fascinating (and elusive) world of screenwriting. ************************************ FROM A VERY RECENT CONTEST WINNER, MARCIA COULTER “Add Craig Kellem's years in the industry, his keen insight and his caring to the script you've labored over and you can't help but make it better. Keep at it and you could win his contest. I did and that opens the door to all sorts of opportunities because when you win Craig's contest there's no doubt that your script will get serious attention.” MORE GOOD NEWS “Hey, Craig. Just wanted to share a little bit of news with you. My script that you consulted on "Melissa's Kaleidoscope, well, as I'm writing this, I'm in Austin, Texas and the script just received the Austin Film festival award for best screenplay in the science fiction category. Just wanted to drop a line. Thanks again for all the advice.” Lemuel James AND ONE MORE WINNER: AWARD OF EXCELLENCE, LOS ANGELES MOVIE AWARDS 2011, LEONARDO DE LEON “Hi Craig, we finally did it, thanks friend, you are part of this”. Leonardo AND YET ANOTHER FOR LEONARDO!! “Dear Craig, I'm very happy to announce that I won again now with 'Why Do Men Cheat?” (2011 Oregon Film Awards Platinum Winners) A definite thanks to you and to your fine consultation”. ________________________________ AN UNLIKELY RESOURCE—KID FLICKS By Judy Kellem Much of the feedback we are constantly giving writers is for them to increase those key components of theatricality: conflict, jeopardy, obstacles, angst and eventfulness (i.e.: CJOAE). One would be surprised at how often these crucial elements are in short supply – even in the strongest scripts we’ve read. Sometimes it comes down to the writers’ personal sensibilities – they are shy or uncomfortable with any drama in real life and this gets projected onto the page. Others don’t realize how much hardship can be heaped on before a story starts to read as “over the top”. But when one considers that most folks go to films and plays to freely feel their most human emotions – to shed passionate tears for the highs and lows of existence, or revel in the wicked behavior of a delicious bad guy, or reel with a beloved hero as s/he makes colossal mistakes – then as a writer, it is easier to understand why copious amounts of CJOAE are so essential to great story- telling. No person will teach you this faster than a child. Spend an hour in dramatic play with any kid and listen to how much peril befalls Barbie and G.I. Joe alike. So it is no wonder that in our current age of high-tech animation and ultra-sophisticated programming for young people, a writer can learn a ton from viewing children’s films. Believe it or not, many of the kid films out there today are not only stellar examples of great storytelling, but downright stronger films than much of what’s being peddled to adult audiences. Take for example, RANGO – the plot follows both the personal survival of a heroic chameleon who gets lost in the desert and the survival of a desert town that’s run out of water, while the story tracks the existential arc of the hero, who has always been “lost” inside – he has no idea who he really is and struggles to embrace a true identity. These three trajectories are dramatized with immense humor, social commentary, rich characterization and a relentless stream of CJOAE. Other examples are “road trip” films of recent like, BOLT and FINDING NEMO. In BOLT, a dog that has grown up on a television set as a “super” canine, mistakenly gets released into the real world. He has no survival skills, has no idea how to “be a dog” and must come to terms with the realization that there is nothing “super” about him. He takes a road trip cross-country with a well-seasoned alley cat and trailer-park-raised hamster. The myriad high-stake obstacles they encounter along the way, as well as the deeply layered friendship they forge, while the dog grapples with his future and who he is, make for a first rate script. So too, FINDING NEMO, where an over-protective father fish loses his young son and must traverse the oceans of the world to find him, is marked by ongoing difficulty on the plot and story levels, for both father and son. The father faces sharks, killer jelly fish and bizarre creatures of the deepest sea, while the son floats trapped in an aquarium, encountering his own, very vital and colorful experience rife with impending danger. Both father and son must battle their environments while same time growing as individuals: the father slowly learns to overcome his exaggerated fears, gaining some faith in life and much needed confidence overall, as the son realizes he’s not as helpless and victimized as his overprotective father raised him to feel. They are mutually empowered by their perilous situations and are at last reunited, into a much happier and healthier relationship. Other big budget, Hollywood movies like SHARK TALES, PRINCESS AND THE FROG and KUNG FU PANDA 2, as well as outright works of art like SPIRITED AWAY, HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE and PONYO, by genius/maestro Japanese film maker, Hayao Miyazaki (whose films are in a class of their own) - are other top-notch examples of excellent storytelling brimming with drama. It may feel strange to sit down to a kid movie in order to help oneself improve as a writer, but we strongly recommend you try it. Really listen to the dialogue; really deconstruct the film as it runs. See how the plot and story build; keep track of how much time passes before the stakes are raised even higher on the hero. Be aware of how each character struggles along in his or her own specific arc within the overall, main tale. You will certainly learn something and hopefully be entertained – even moved - as you do. _____________________
SAMPLES OF FEEDBACK WE’VE GIVEN OUR WRITERS BY CRAIG KELLEM - Comedy’s best buddy is often a good sense of reality along the way. Now I wouldn’t go too far in changing the flavor of this piece, but I would look for opportunities to make things as REAL as possible when you can. - Part and parcel with this soft feeling is a kind of pleasant brother/sister type relationship between our two main players. If things were more precarious in their journey, that might create more pressure on them, individually and collectively, and that would be a good thing. Let’s ‘turn up the heat’ which could also push them into becoming deeper and closer to each other, as people tend to do during desperate times. --Also, in regard to the above, and with the multitude of subplot type aspects of the script, let’s make sure we get our fair share of Joey who’s very cool! In this regard I’d ask myself the question, “IF HE WAS BEING PLAYED BY A BIG STAR, IS THERE ENOUGH OF HIM?” -- This script is way too fact-based (going from circumstance to circumstance) and needs a much greater sense of things such as nuance, texture, deeper characterizations, rich subtext and the list goes on, including a more “artistic” storytelling sense, than ‘diary-like’ sense. - ‘Sneaking in’ some off-camera references is pretty normal in screenplays, but you can’t overdo them and thus have too many references that the audience will never see. But within them often critical information must be communicated to the VIEWER. So in this regard one can “hedge” by using language within the reference such as ‘we can intuit’ that so and so is feeling a certain way, or ‘it’s obvious that’ he is so angry that his wheels are now spinning with thoughts of revenge etc., etc. -What I call the monster part of the movie is definitely well done (and pretty darn well-structured). What you do with this depends on what you want. But whether you go hip and quirky with a Crichtonesque - type monster or down the Disneyesque road, I would suggest trying hard to make it as believable as possible, particularly in setting it up and somewhat beyond that. I have found that it is amazing what you can get away with once a template is set. So I’d think about things such as how a Stephen King would spin this, to make it properly scary and even more unique. I’d also avoid comedy getting too over the top, or at least balance it out with things that we can believe and relate to. - Paul needs more character work, (as they say in the trade), presently he can sometimes feel like a generic everyman unless he’s kicking butt, or in some other extraordinary or very eventful situation. The test of this aspect of things comes in the more benign scenes, such as in the beginning of the script. Let’s get to know him better and make things count during these quieter times. Indeed, creating more, quiet eventfulness and raison d’etre in these situations as explained in our article, “Scenes As Concepts” will help a lot. Perhaps an OCCASIONAL voice-over would give us a better sense of who he is as well. - 127 pages is way too long, and the script is probably somewhat longer since it seems that the top and bottom margins are a bit thinner than normal. It also seems epic in a way, too much of everything. Less is definitely better when it comes to screenwriting, and the approach to the revision should be more screenplay-oriented rather than novel-oriented. This includes being less talky (especially small-talk) and avoiding inserting too many off-camera references, since a movie script is of course a ‘blueprint’ of something that appears on the screen. Off-camera references will not translate to the movie viewer. --All in all we need big, synergistic stories to follow. Presently things can seem too tepid, benign, often tangential and even casual. The visceral feeling of a rapidly developing plot, folks who we’re rooting for, trouble always around the corner, a keener flavor of conflict, jeopardy, obstacles and angst can only benefit this worthy project. -- Your question is very subjective. In pro circles which writer gets what credit and % is decided by the Writer's Guild. Fellow writers sit down and read the respective materials and decide who gets what based on what they contributed, which is why it's important to keep the respective contributions good and clear. Writers can register their materials with the Guild so there's an actual record of these things. Hope this helps. --This is ALL story-related and very fixable, starting by merely analyzing each individual story arc and then adding/adjusting scenes in the “blueprint”, rather than trying to Jerry-rig the script itself with fixes. --I’ve hardly ever asked you a question for which you haven’t had a pretty darn good answer as it pertains to material but I’m convinced, like so many other writers, that your basis of confidence about things sometimes comes from what YOU KNOW rather than what’s on the page. If we can adjust this aspect of things, we will be in good shape in bringing this worthy piece of material to where it deserves to be. --Good “story math” here is without any question the name of the game. And most of the “holes” will show up on the radar screen as you chart out the various arcs. I’m looking forward to perusing one of these with you in order to show you how it’s done, and it will be most pleasant to see the changes already realized from our conferences. --Progress can be contagious!!!!!!!! --Presently the script can feel too day-in-the-life-ish/episodic—you need more strategically arranged stories. I’d eschew the facts as they were, and initiate a process that will give you the theatricality that you need. Truthful themes can still remain and will probably be better served! --So, bottom line we’re talking about a better organized script, which will help initiate a more ambitious approach to the abundance of potentially attractive ingredients herein, and which will provide a much stronger, all around narrative that will give us something to care about, worry about, root for – the whole nine yards. --When dealing with comedically-oriented material it can be easy to fall into the trap of contrivances. As some knowledgeable writing guru once said “It can end up like one long lie, that after a while even you don’t believe." Thus I’d approach the plan for the revision for the rewrite with caution, making sure that most everything falls under the umbrella of being ‘reasonably realistic’. --So this is all about applying important basic principles, approaching things from a more adult (less comic book) type foundation, creating characters who feel more honest and real (with their hopes and dreams profoundly relatable). In this regard I would approach this project more as a drama (initially), and once you establish a solid base and game plan, you can start injecting ‘funny’. After all, comedy is something that we’ve been given to ease the pain, so it fits right in with our ubiquitous experiences with divine unrest. --Based on tons of experience, I have a firm conviction that with almost all forms of theatricality one of the most important prerequisites is to become sucked into enough reality to care, root for the good guys, and eat your popcorn voraciously, as a reflection of your wonderfully energized nervous system. --- I’d cut, trim, etc.,etc., a la the method that we discussed, which can be found in, “The Art of Cutting”. It will make a huge difference since your piece currently feels way overdone. Although the page count is high, this is more about being right-sized. --I would also avoid the tendency, which occurs at times, for things to be too talky and sedentary. Movies are cinematic and need to be fast and actionable. In this regard, if you check out the, “Useful and Important Articles” section on our site, please read articles #9, #16, and #22 in this regard and also #1, #4, #10, #13, #23, #24, #27, #34, #42, and #51 which pertain to other issues with your script. - There can be a sense of things being overdone (particularly as it pertains to the action scenes), more in the first half than in the second: too much detail, a sense of trying too hard etc. If I were you I’d go over it with this in mind, and try to make it more reader friendly, fluid and also less wordy. This will help make things feel more exciting and enjoyable, rather than relentlessly logistical. -- He has to evolve in a more fascinating way, become much more compelling, and this can also jettison more interesting relationships with similarly improved characters around him. As I said, the most important element in creating and executing characterizations is the writer’s honest to God emotional connection with them. --- I would trust re-working this, so that it’s a smoother and more credible ‘high end’ piece of work that has lots of things happening, and not so much where it might become like a vessel for over-abundant high-concept type events, which, after a while may be too “noisy” to enjoy the heartbeat of an honest, and even at times, character-driven adventure. _____________________ SEEKING A MENTOR to Help Navigate the Film Festival Circuit: Former Hollywood Script Contest winner seeking a mentor who has had previous success in the application process for submitting entries to film festivals. My name is Stephen Smith, and after completing my screenplay "Narcostate" with Craig, I made a short film entitled "The Rendezvous". I am confident this is a very good product, and I am looking for someone with experience that can give guidance and specific advice on this extremely competitive process. Any assistance or support would be greatly appreciated. Email: smittyworld2@hotmail.com Cell: (240)464-1279 ------------------------------------- HERE IS A SMALL SAMPLE of some writer comments regarding Judy and I taken from the “Analysts And Consultants Report” of Creative Screenwriting Magazine: “I was allowed to e-mail her with questions all the time. Judy was terrific.” “The consultant's ability to function as a coach, giving realistic encouragement and useful strategies for coping with a tough industry was strong! Craig is a great consultant and coach!” “Biggest benefit was the education I have been receiving from Craig regarding plot development and character development etc.” “The consultant’s honesty regarding the script and my writing was strong, as opposed to other consultants who seemed to say things just to please the writer. The consultant's monthly contest helped generate interest in my script.” “After winning Craig’s contest, I made a lot of important industry contacts.” “I would have given up writing a screenplay without him. Now I am unafraid to tackle any project. Craig Kellem is awesome.” “Judy’s feedback was clear and comprehensive and gave me a better understanding of my script. It helped me to make the script tighter, and in better shape, and made me feel positive about my writing.” “Craig doesn’t let you give up. He keeps you going no matter how much of his time it takes. He becomes a caring friend. He loves the craft and is honest, kind and tough. I can’t praise him too highly.” “I won his monthly contest. I feel my writing skills improved under his guidance. After promotion arranged by Mr. Kellem dozens of producers read my script .. I had lots of positive feedback from industry people but unfortunately no sale.” “Judy gave me confidence to continue writing. I was hip-pocketed by APA for a brief time.” “I expected the analyst to be completely honest, otherwise I would fail to learn anything, and Judy was honest. The truth hurts sometimes, but ultimately you need to know the truth abut the quality of your script in order to improve it.” “Judy’s help was really strong, and her support encouraged me to work further on the script and gave me hope that it may someday be on the screen.” “Craig has a very good development sense and is committed to the screenwriter in making their project market-ready.” “I have nothing but good things to say about Craig. I used a few other consultants who cost more, but Craig’s feedback is always the most helpful.” “I received 18 requests from studios and agencies for my script.” “Works In Progress is offered if you would like to work with Craig on a continuing (developmental) basis. Very helpful.” ___________________________________________ HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM is a boutique script consultation service run by former Universal and Fox development exec Craig Kellem. Craig and his studio analyst associate, Judy Kellem, (who has a Masters in English and Creative Writing) operate this two-person company. Motto: The #1 Secret for Selling a Script...MATERIAL THAT’S READY! SERVICES: Script consultation, Coverage, Developmental Help (ie Works in Progress), Book manuscripts, Free query letter analysis, Free mini consultation HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM CONTEST-Free MONTHLY contest for clients. Prize: free coverage--guaranteed big industry exposure. **Craig --craig.kellem@valley.net, craig.kellem@gmail.com W 201-918-6993, H 201-918-6952 **Judy --judykellem@earthlink.net; 917-647-8782 ___________________________________________________ SCRIPTBLASTER E-QUERY SERVICE has an incredibly vast database of producers, If you'd like assistance writing your query letter, their experienced editing For more information about their services visit: Or if you have any questions you can email them at: http://www.info@scriptblaster.com ____________________________ Find good screenplays and writers fast & easy on InkTip.com www.InkTip.com _____________________________ COPYRIGHT 2011, HSCL, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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