HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM NEWSLETTER
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INSIGHTS FOR 2006--We issue the updated version of this
every year. It’s a select collection of the very best of our advice
to you concerning issues involving craft, story structure, marketing strategies,
the whole nine yards. We subtitle it --IF YOU NEVER WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING
ELSE ABOUT SCREENWRITING (AND MARKETING), KNOW THIS!! Normally we just
cut and paste it in (and it’s the essense of the new newsletter of
the new year) but it’s a bit too fat for this. You can find it here:
http://www.hollywoodscript.com/insights06.html
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COVERAGE CAN BE CRITICAL!!
As many of you know one of the rewards re our (hot and
ongoing) MONTHLY contest is free coverage for winning projects. Coverage
is the common way of reporting on and conveying opinions regarding material
which is then used by producers and agents as a tool to decide if they’re
interested enough to read the script. It’s a very convenient as a
sales tool for writers. Although several examples are up on our site, we
wanted our readers who may not peruse the site all that much to see what
it looks like. Here’s two recent winners.
PLEASE NOTICE THAT THE SO CALLED SYNOPSIS PART IS REALLY
DESIGNED LIKE TRAILER PIECES DESIGNED AND SPIKED WITH
HOT MOMENTS TO FASCINATE READERS AND MAKE THEM WANT MORE.
THEY'RE NOT AT ALL ROTE BEAT BY BEAT PLOT
POINTS PER SE.
HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM CONTEST WINNER
Date: January 16, 2006
Title: "VIRAL"
Author: Mark Elliot Kratter
Submitted by: Mark Elliot Kratter
Submitted to: Hollywoodscript.com
Format: SP
Pages: 114
Draft
Time: Present
Locale: Ivy League College & Rural Island
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Analyst: Hollywoodscript.com
Premise:
An alienated transfer student is recruited by a voyeuristic
online network which not only encourages hedonism and anarchy, but funds
them as well, only to discover that the computer program behind it all
may conceal an even more questionable past – his own.
Quick Comment
A compelling and commercial script with a take no prisoner
mastery.
Concept: Excellent
Characterization: Excellent
Dialogue: Excellent
Story Line: Excellent
Setting/Prod. Values: Excellent
Freshness of Story: Excellent
Synopsis:
Somewhere along the ocean floor, crabs needle their way
out of the darkness towards a trap... baited with a human head hacked into
fourths.
But it is the sea elsewhere which turns blood red as
a projector shows slides to accompany PROFESSOR DELVAUX’s (50’s)
science lecture about the dangers of viral systems in both nature and technology,
and the blurring of boundaries between the two.
In the audience, transfer student NICK NODIN (20) assiduously
takes notes. Everything about him is focused, a traumatic upbringing having
forced him to take no opportunity for granted. When the bell rings, Nick
packs up his things and heads out of the lecture hall into the sunny quad.
Like something from a nightmare, JUSTIN BENDER (17) plunges to his death
from a nearby tower directly in front of him.
Stunned, Nick watches as local Sheriff, ANNE LAZAR (40’s) appears
on the scene. Her investigation reveals that Justin may not have committed
suicide after all, as odd data wires are discovered lodged in his corpse
and homemade drugs are discovered in his system at the autopsy. Stranger
still, it turns out that Lazar was tipped off about the death before it
even occurred by an anonymous fax message.
For Nick, the unusual tragedy also presents a morbid
opportunity, as the campus housing lottery reassigns him to the dead man’s
now vacant room. Eager to move out of an apartment he cannot afford, Nick
prepares to meet his new roommate, DRISS HAMILTON (18), a Southern charmer
burdened by a birthright of privileged mediocrity.
However, before Nick can even move in, he finds that
another student has beaten him to it: a femme fatale by the name of GRENADINE
ERCRE (19). The three agree to try and settle the lodging issues at a local
pub. Over endless pitchers of beer, conversation inevitably turns to Justin’s
death. Drunken one-upmanship leads them on an excursion to the cemetery
where Justin is buried to pay their respects. When they are caught by security,
Nick tries to play hero by tripping the guard to let them get away. Instead,
he winds up in jail on assault charges.
Facing potential expulsion, Nick turns to his new roommates
for help and financial assistance with his fines and court costs. No such
luck. Nick then applies to become part of a paid corporate psychology experiment
involving “neuromarketing” only to be rejected because computer
records show that he has already volunteered before -- logged in the same
session the previous quarter with a student named... Justin Bender. Spooked
by the weird coincidence, and becoming more desperate by the moment, Nick
relents to a harassing email invitation full of disturbing imagery -- an
offer to join something called “The List.”
Although The List appears to be an exclusive online society
dedicated to deviance, it entices Nick with something more tempting still:
money. Like a hedonistic scavenger hunt, The List challenges its members
to anonymously record degenerate dares and upload them to a voyeuristic
online database for collective approval. In return, it provides funds for
the necessary equipment and rewards its members with electronic deposits
of cash into their student accounts.
In the beginning, Nick relishes his first taste of “wealth,” pleasure
and a sense of inclusion. The illicit thrill of documenting his theft of
antiques from the University President’s house is matched only by
reviewing other students’ submissions online: crazy acts surreptitiously
recorded on campuses all over the world.
Even Grenadine is seduced by Nick’s newfound confidence. But then
The List begins to change, demanding ever more risky and twisted tasks.
Feeling as if he’s made a bargain with the devil, Nick hopes to find
a way out by determining who nominated him for List membership in the first
place. However, the deeper he delves into the origins of The List, the
more mysterious it becomes. Under circumstances as suspicious as those
surrounding Justin’s demise, other students are suddenly implicated
in sex crimes, drug overdoses, disappearances and “accidents” galore,
as Sheriff Lazar’s investigations parallel Nick’s own.
Plagued by exhaustion and headaches, Nick is frantic
to free himself from the insanity of the situation. As he seeks out Grenadine’s
help back at the dorm, he is instead confronted by Driss, who has discovered
evidence of Nick’s involvement with The List. Driss demands that
Nick help him to become a member. Nick pleads with him to reconsider. Yet
Driss insists, revealing that he’s been screwed over by someone else’s “List
Assignment” and wants to experience something other than being a
victim for a change. But nothing could prepare Nick for what Driss shows
him next.... Driss forces Nick to log onto The List and watch an uploaded
video file of Driss being drugged and raped by a strapping co-ed. Horrified,
Nick explains that he couldn’t get Driss accepted to The List even
if he wanted to, because everything is submitted and approved anonymously.
Driss turns violent, and Nick flees the scene.
Shortly thereafter, Nick makes an even more startling
discovery. The List has changed again, this time pitting its members one
against another. They must eliminate each other by any means necessary
until a single individual remains to resurrect The List anew.
But how can Nick warn others, much less protect himself
with only the faceless footage to go on? Nick scours through the program’s
thousands of uploaded files, searching for clues as to its contributors’ real-world
identities. When he finally makes a match, he realizes that there may be
a connection between the neuromarketing experiment volunteers and students
who have been recruited to join The List. So Nick breaks into the Cognitive
Sciences Department and ransacks files from its research facility. Among
them, Nick finds a folder with his name on it. Its contents are missing.
But another student’s file contains a DVD film of one of the experiments.
In a viewing room, Nick watches the DVD. A young woman
is wired up to laboratory equipment measuring her body and brain’s
response as she is a shown a television commercial. At first it appears
as if the experiment is merely registering her reactions to psychotic subliminal
stimuli. Then Nick notices an MRI monitor mapping something else entirely.
Onscreen, the girl’s neural networks flash with sudden activity...
... as her brain’s hard wiring is hijacked by a powerful impulse.
Nick is astounded.
The experiment is not recording. It’s rewarding. As if the program
has been infected by some sort of computer virus which induces reactions
in the mind’s pleasure pathways... altering the brain’s chemistry
to associate good feelings with very bad things.
Although it seems impossible, The List does not even
appear to be controlled by a living person anymore, but rather by self-updating
software that infiltrates college campuses around the world to prepare
potential test subjects for a massive social experiment.
Nick tries to contact Professor Delvaux for help in bringing
this conspiracy to light. Instead, he finds his mentor dead -- brutally
murdered by Driss as one of his first “List” assignments. Sirens
wail in the distance as Driss, now dying of a drug overdose, shoves his
still-taping List recorder into Nick’s hands in some perverted attempt
to preserve to his online legacy: “Up... load... us.” When
the police catch up to Nick, it’s just one more piece of evidence
stacked against him.
Down at the station, Sheriff Lazar interrogates Nick
relentlessly about his involvement with The List. Assault charges, stolen
DVDs, dead roommates – “doesn’t sound like scholarship
material to me.” But Nick appears as unenlightened as she. It is
only when Lazar confronts him with an older item in his file that a nerve
is hit, and Nick breaks down.
As Nick stares down at his own mother’s mugshot, he recalls how she
was incarcerated when he was still a child, after he witnessed her murder
and dismember his father in a drunken rage. Although his memories of helplessness
haunt him still, they have also given Nick strength to endure nearly anything.
Feigning carelessness with the interrogation room’s lock, Lazar allows
Nick to escape in order to secretly follow him back to his dorm where he
packs up his things. Grenadine interrupts Nick to reveal that The List
has purged itself, and that there is only one member left. But if that’s
the case, then why is he still alive? “Use your head, Nick.” Grenadine
claims that she is not a member... she is its creator. Funded with money “donated
to the charity of human desire,” The List was designed as a self-propagating
human experiment to see if the effects of a simulated bad childhood would
corrupt everyone equally... to see if human beings are really nothing but
a collection of impulses programmed by their past experiences.
Reeling from these revelations, Nick attempts to turn
Grenadine into Lazar, but she eludes them both into steam tunnels that
run far beneath the campus.
In a climactic chase which nearly kills him, Nick tracks
Grenadine down to computer servers deep underground that keep The List
alive, only to discover that the true source and nature of the viral epidemic
may have more to do with flesh and blood than circuitry after all – a
virus that may not be finished infecting the lives of everyone around them....
COMMENTS: Words and phrases that come to mind when reflecting
on this script:
*Compelling
*Page turner
*Killer plot, doesn’t quit
*Classy
*Timely”
*Visceral”
A first class story, terrific characters, moves like
a freight train. High tech components of the first order
but does not eclipse a keen sense of relatability AND
a convincing reality. Hip, contemporary and even relevant
as it freshly and uniquely ratchets up the possibilities
of what can happen when you embrace runaway technology
only to find it embracing you instead.
Mark Kratter is a very astute young writer. He knows
his stuff and has woven an engaging and commercial script
with a take no prisoner mastery.
____________________
HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM CONTEST WINNER
Date: 11/25/05
Title: "OBITUARY."
Author: Joanne Wannan
Submitted by: Joanne Wannan
Submitted to: Hollywoodscript.com
Format: SP
Pages: 119
Draft
Time: Present
Locale: Minnesota
Genre: Thriller
Analyst: Hollywoodscript.com
QUICK COMMENT--A killer script!!
PREMISE: A frustrated, high-strung reporter, who is delegated
to writing an obituary column, begins receiving obituaries
of people BEFORE they are brutally murdered. When she
receives her OWN obituary, she must summon all her resources
- physical, emotional, and even sexual - if she is to
survive.
SYNOPSIS: Denise Wilson is high-strung, nervous, and
intense. “You have to learn to cope,” her
mother tells her. “And if you can’t cope,
at least learn to pretend.”
Denise has spent most of her life struggling to do just
that. Now 28, she works sixteen hour days writing an
Obituary Column for The Tribune. Sequestered away in
The Morgue - the dark, dusty catacombs of the newspaper
building where “dead” files come to rest
- she works her butt off, hoping for her big break.
When the editor of City Beat dies, Denise is convinced
she will be promoted. She awkwardly approaches her boss,
Roger Morgenstein, at the funeral. “Did you get
my resume? A disgusted Roger brushes Denise off, and
goes over to talk to a tall, dark, man standing on the
periphery. When the man turns around, Denise freezes.
It is Simon Castilla, her high school sweetheart. What
is he doing back in town? And why is he here, at the
funeral?
Late that night, Denise goes to a Chinese restaurant
to pick up take-out food. While waiting for her order,
she leafs through a pile of newspapers on the counter.
A small article, similar to an obituary, catches her
eye. “Melissa Rutherford, age 26...” She
is surprised to see an English name in a Chinese newspaper,
but lets it pass.
Later, unable to sleep, Denise goes for a jog in Ramsey
Park. Her feet pound on the trail, as rhythmic as a drumbeat.
She passes a wall covered with graffiti. The glow from
the streetlights pierce the fog, creating surreal shadows.
She’s cold and scared. A man, runs towards her.
His face is hooded. He comes closer. Closer. His elbow
bumps hers, as he runs past. Denise trips. She looks
down. A woman’s foot, barely visible, sticks out
from under the bushes. Her stocking is ripped, her sole
encrusted with dirt. Denise forces her way through the
undergrowth. She reels. A woman’s body lies in
a clearing, mangled and bloody. Her eyes are rolled back
in their sockets. Her face distorted beyond recognition.
Denise faints.
When she comes to, Ramsey Park has been transformed with
yellow police tape, sirens, flashing lights. Steadying
herself, Denise pulls out a notebook and pencil, and
begins making notes. A male voice interrupts her: “Excuse
me, I'd like to ask you a few questions.”
Denise looks up, and finds herself face-to-face with
Simon. “What the hell are you doing here?”she
demands. Simon points to the badge around his neck. It
says Simon Castilla, City Beat. Denise stares at Simon,
incredulous. A moment of extreme tension. Simon tries
to break the silence. “Denny, I’m sorry.
If there’s anything I can do -” Denise cuts
him off. “There is something. Don’t call
me Denny. No one’s called me that since High School.”
Denise decides to confront Roger. Denise: “Did
you even look at my resume? Instead Simon just waltzes
in here -” Roger quickly points out Simon’s
stellar qualifications. Denise tries another angle. “What
if I assist? At least on this story? I could offer a
unique perspective. After all, I found the body.” Roger
looks at her evenly. “Denise, you fainted.”
Denise hunches over the computer in the morgue. Hammering
out the Obituary column. Intense. Disgusted. Typing as
if her life depended on it.
Luke, a gangly co-worker, comes in. “Hey, I heard
you found the chick in Ramsey Park,” he says. “I’ve
never seen a dead person before. Except my grandpa, and
he was embalmed and all that, so it wasn't the same thing.” Denise
ignores him. Luke starts to leave. “I just came
by to tell you they got an I.D. on the body.” Denise
looks up. Luke: “The name was Rutherford. Melissa
Rutherford.”
A shocked Denise races back to the Chinese restaurant.
She tears through the discarded newspapers, frantically
searching for the obituary she saw. Mr. Lee, the kindly
owner, questions her. Is she sure she saw an English
name? In a Chinese newspaper? “Miss Denise,” he
tells her. “Sometimes when mind gets tired, eyes
play tricks.”
Late at night, alone in the morgue, a pop-up flashes
across the screen. The brightness startles an already
stressed to the max Denise. Another pop-up. Then another.
Denise leans back in her chair, rubbing her eyes. She
takes an aspirin out of a bottle and swallows it without
water. A message appears on the computer screen.
LORNA WOODS, AGE 24. ROSE GARDEN. OCTOBER 16...
Denise looks at the calendar. October 15. She scrolls
to the bottom of the page and looks at the contact information.
She picks up the phone and dials. A woman’s voice
answers. Lorna is in the shower; would you like to leave
a message? Shaken and confused, Denise hangs up the phone.
She looks at the computer screen, just as the message
fades away. The next morning, as Denise flips through
TV channels and sees a newsflash. A woman’s body
has been found, murdered. The woman’s name: Lorna
Woods.
Denise races to the Rose Garden. Detective Walker, a
no-nonsense cop, confronts her. The murder was reported
as happening at an undisclosed location. How did Denise
know where it was?
Feeling alone and vulnerable, Denise reaches out to Simon
for comfort. But a one-night stand creates more problems
then it solves.
Denise becomes obsessed with the murders. She cuts out
every newspaper article she can find. She makes charts
and graphs of the evidence, and maps out the locations
of the crimes. Her kitchen begins to look like a cross
between a police investigation room and a shrine.
Based on some flimsy “evidence” she manages
to locate, Denise begins to suspect that the murders
may have something to do with an age-old cult that worshipped
Kali, a Hindu goddess who became so bloodthirsty, she
supposedly began to destroy those that she was supposed
to protect. Suddenly her attention is diverted as a pop-up
flashes across the screen. The greenish glow from the
computer casts an eerie glow. The words, blurry at first,
come into focus. CARL FOSTER, 49.
Denise decides to track down Carl Foster But when she
discovers he is not only alive, but is a DOG as well,
her problems intensify. Roger, who has become increasingly
exasperated with her actions, as well as her diminishing
job performance, fires her. Concurrently, Detective Walker
does a background check and learns Denise suffered from
a nervous breakdown in high school. Denise becomes a
prime suspect in the investigation.
Meanwhile, Denise begins to suspect Simon is involved.
Hoping to find evidence against him, she sneaks into
his office at the newspaper building. She finds a high
school yearbook on his shelf and leafs through it. It
opens to a dog-eared page. Denise stares at the page
in horror. Her photo has been scratched out. Across it,
in felt pen, is the word BITCH.
Denise reels. She heads to the morgue to gather her belongings.
As she starts to leave, she notices something dark and
sticky on the floor. A trail of blood. Denise follows
the trail to a closet. She grabs a flashlight, and opens
the door. There, in the beam of light, is Carl Foster.
His dead body dangles from heavy mechanical chains. Blood
drips down his furry chest. Suddenly the computer turns
itself on. The screen springs to life. A pop-up flashes
across the screen. A red, Rorschach-like botch. The blotch
mutates, changes. A spattering of blood- A lizard-Kali!
Letters dance across the screen. They form words, fuzzy
at first, then coming into focus. DENISE WILSON.
More letters appear, rhythmically, one after another.
As if someone is typing them. Denise watches in horror
as the letters spill onto the screen. DATE OF DEATH,
OCTOBER 20. TONIGHT.
The writing continues. TIME OF DEATH, 11:59. Denise glances
at the clock. 11:54. She races to the door. It is locked.
She wipes her sweaty palms and grabs a Xacto knife.
Denise reels. Someone is watching her. “Who are
you? What do you want?” She glances frantically
around the room. “Where are you?” Words appear
on the screen. Slowly, menacingly.
I’M RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
Denise screams.
And Denise's terror has only just begun...
COMMENTS: In
a word "OBITUARY" is a damn good script. It’s
got everything you’d want in a thriller. Tight,
page turning writing. Lots of exciting escalation, surprises,
a protagonist for whom you sweat bullets. Solid subsidiary
characters. Big scenes--blood and lust--the whole nine
yards. And it’s scary! It’s the kind of material
that everyone is looking for when seeking a commercial
freight train of a story. Writer’s a comer.
______________
A KIND NOTE FROM THE ABOVE WINNER ABOUT OUR SERVICE--
Craig is great. As a matter of fact, I am using him as
I work on my next screenplay. He is honest, perceptive,
and will tell you exactly what you need to hear. No B.S.,
just the straight goods.
Winning the contest was great. I have had over 16 requests
to read my screenplay. I have not heard back from some
of them (these things take time), but 2 have said they
are "seriously interested". I think just the
fact that Craig is interested in helping promote the
people he works with says a lot about his commitment.
My agent is with a major Hollywood agency, and I am very
happy with him. If you are serious about writing, I highly
recommend Craig. I figure, if I were a figure skater
and wanted to go to the Olympics, I'd need a coach/mentor
to help me get there. It's the same with writing... you
need someone on your side.
Joanne (Wannan)
___________________
SKIP PRESS, a longtime friend of Hollywoodscript.com, will be
profiled by Fortune Small Business magazine in an upcoming issue because his
students and readers have won kudos that include the first Sundance Online short
film contest and an Academy Award. His comprehensive book on writing, How to
Write What You Want & Sell What You Write, appears in a third edition in
Barnes & Noble Stores in February, and his Complete Idiot's Guide to Screenwriting,
reviewed as best of its kind by the Writers Guild of Canada, was also published
in Russian by Triumph Publishing of Moscow. Skip's popular college course "Your
Screenwriting Career" is now available in 1,058
schools, colleges, and universities (even in Australia). See
http://www.screenwritingcourse.com for details.
__________
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agents, managers
and the like. They can zap your coverage or query directly
into the hands of
many viable Hollywood producers, agents, managers etc.
A unique feature is that
the emails will be generated from your own personal email
so industry
professionals will respond directly to you. (http://www.scriptblaster.com)
___________________
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