Issue Twenty two

 HOLLYWOODSCRIPT.COM NEWSLETTER

Welcome to the latest edition of the Hollywoodscript.com Newsletter, which is published by script consultants Craig Kellem, Judy Kellem (http://www.hollywoodscript.com)

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You are receiving this newsletter because you expressed an interest in screenwriting by subscribing to this newsletter OR requested a read or a free query letter evaluation from Hollywoodscript.Com(s) Craig Kellem or Judy Kellem.

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The purpose of this newsletter is to share information, ideas etc. concerning the fascinating (and elusive) world of screenwriting.
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OUR MONTHLY CONTEST CONTINUES TO COOK
HERE’S WHAT OUR LAST WINNER S.L. GART HAS TO SAY:

'Hollywoodscript.com helped me take a good script and make it a great script. Just three days after sending the coverage to their various contacts, I have received eighteen requests to read the script (and growing). Craig's process is incredibly organized, honest, and insightful. He knows what the pros are looking for in terms of flow, tone, and quality. He's truly a gifted editor and consultant. Thanks again!

COVERAGE OF OUR NEXT WINNER, R.W. WILLAMS WILL BE POSTED MID MONTH. AS A RESULT OF HIS WIN, HIS TERRIFIC THRILLER “ONE HAND CLAPPING” WILL BE GETTING THE EXPOSURE IT DESERVES!
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LESS IS ALWAYS MORE
Written by Judy Kellem

We’ve ranted and raved over plotless, storyless, material and all the hazards involved in writing a two hour movie around that three second scene you've just got to write, or hanging truckloads of characters off of a series of random events that have no narrative spine. But what’s often even worse are screenplays in which the writer has stuffed ten screenplays worth of plot into one "lowly" script. It’s the ole "everything thrown in the pot including the kitchen sink" syndrome, scripts that go from being about a woman’s fight against cancer, to her boyfriend’s outsmarting of the mob to his lover’s discovery of alien visitors.

Folks, just as it is essential to be sure your script "has legs" (i.e. a solid, viable, central story) it is as necessary to make sure you haven’t turned your movie into a story smorgasbord in which everything happens and then some!

Good scripts turn on clear, strong, singular plots that are moved along by well-developed characters and relevant, supportive subplots that ADD to the revealing of the main story without in any way eclipsing or interfering with its unfolding.

It is a true blessing to be bursting with ideas, to be filled to overflowing with script stories galore just clamoring to be written. But be sure not to bottleneck your pages. Don't allow all those plots to jump into one narrative pot! Writing is a lifelong practice and there will be plenty of time to exorcise all those incredible tales.

Best to make separate files for each idea you have. Flesh out each one separately and get clear on which files hold stories that are really strong enough to constitute the main arc of a single screenplay and which ones are more secondary, side bits to be developed and used as subplots. Then mix and match. Take a look and see if one of the subplot files is actually in concert story wise with one of the main arc ideas, if the two can be married into one script (without the subplot competing with or trying to overcast the main plot). If you find a good match eh voila! You’re on your way.

But as you go along, be sure too that you stay on stylistic track.

Though experimentation is a beautiful thing and should be encouraged in all forms of art, there are certain rules of convention in the art of screenplay writing, which I would argue, must be adhered to no matter what. MOST CENTRALLY is the rule of maintaining a consistent GENRE. I love and applaud works that are avant-garde, abstract, surreal, cubist, whatever you want to call it. Works that have unreliable narrators, that distort time passage and toy with our sense of realities. But when I read material that starts out as Space Odyssey 2001 and then morphs into Sleepless In Seattle, then further still into a Marx Brothers Comedy, I am pulled out from the pages and left utterly disengaged.

Why?

Because reading is an act of TRUST. Trust that you are being taken on a fictitious journey where anything is possible but will happen within a certain modicum of set parameters. It is a tacit agreement between writer and reader, this offering, and when it is exploited or disrupted the journey ends.

None of the parameters is as key as this promise of GENRE.

From the get go, the writer must provide some sense of tonality around the reality s/he is asking you to delve into. Are we moving through an eerie, scary, cold, serious space? Or is this a light, comedic setting where no matter what transpires storywise, the tale will never get too heavy handed? Is it possible that Dracula will appear? Or can we feel certain that he has no place in this particular dreamscape? The writer must be forthcoming and straight when it comes to this aspect of his or her material so that we will be willing to sink into the imaginary world s/he is asking us to believe for 120 pages. If we're riding horses with Johnny Depp, worried about sheriffs and outlaws stopping us on that dusty path and The Alien shows up, we feel betrayed, confused and put off (ONLY UNLESS OF COURSE THE WRITER HAS BEEN CLEAR FROM THE START THAT WE ARE READING SATIRE AND SPOOF, which is it’s own clearly demarcated GENRE!).

People have asked, well then why do writers like the Coen brothers work? They seem to meld for example, murder mystery with comedy. Indeed, they work because the humor and the seriousness are well calibrated to coexist in the same, dead pan, acerbic and sardonic tonality. Their movies don't

ask us to be overly intense and serious on the level of a Vanilla Sky, then switch gears mid movie and demand we have a slapstick funny bone the likes of Mel Brooks. The Coen brothers keep a steady tone and a steady mood wherein the drama is always handled with irony and a detectable underlying, poker faced humor; and in turn the humor is always delivered with a straight faced, ironic smirk that doesn’t overwhelm the pages and yank us out of the dramatic underpinnings. If they were instead, super heavy about dramatic moments, and then employed screwball comedy when they felt like being funny, the pages would fall apart, the reader alienated and annoyed.

Best to be very clear with yourself what genre you are writing in and then commit to this, don't change your tune or the lines will go off key and your audience will plug its ears. If you are writing romantic comedy, keep it light, romantic, comic. If you are creating the world’s scariest horror flick and you are drawing on a gothic template where horse drawn carriages

deliver hunch backs to dark, cob web covered castles, DON’T allow the Terminator to make a guest appearance. Keep a consistent style, a consistent look and a consistent genre so your reader can easily and willingly take that magic carpet ride on which you’ve worked so hard to host them.

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WE GET MANY QUESTIONS

Q-Why do people in Hollywood say “no” so much?

A- Saying no is easy. It carries no investment and little responsibility. It’s like scratching your nose. Saying “yes” usually means that the person will now have to take a chance of some kind. Invest money, expose one’s butt, or maybe BE WRONG. In a way it’s a surrender. And it’s hard for any of us to surrender. Thus you need to make your product so convincing that saying yes becomes less threatening to the sayer.
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Q-I'm plowing through my first draft so that I can finally start the real writing on the second, but which draft should I register with the WGA? I'm aware that the script will change practically everywhere except the title so should I hang on and register the polished version or get it in there so that it is protected?

A-Depends on changes between drafts. Most writers who we know only register the first draft which remains, in most cases, in the same ballpark content-wise. If it's a total rewrite then it might be a good idea to seek a new registration.
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Q-Could an Agent send a spec script to producers before a contract is signed?

A- They're not supposed to but scripts get "slipped" to industry people all the time . Sometimes it can end up doing you some good, if people like it and a demand is created.
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Q-What’s a treatment?

A- A treatment can mean different things to different people. Generally speaking it's several sound pages that describes the concept of a proposed project in detail. For example in TV it would feature: 1 a page or 2 describing the format/concept itself (in a way like a long query)

2. a page delineating the main characters

3. a page or 2 with 4 or 5 TV Guide type blurbs/thumbnails of proposed episodes

4. a page or so describing the proposed pilot episode.

With a feature film it might mean a 5 to 10 page delineation of how the proposed project will lay out creatively.
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Q-What's the best way to get into the movie business and get your name well known, etc.?

A-Learn a skill that's in demand and work like hell
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Q- A friend and I belong to a website that encourages writers to review each other's works. My friend has had numerous reviews, but the reviewers are not professional--they're just other writers who've probably never sold a script. What do you think the pros and cons of this method are?

A-Iffy, but who knows, you may get some good constructive feedback. We'd look for commonality/trends in the feedback. If you get the same type of "notes" from several people, it may be time to listen.
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Q-I came up with what I thought would be a great movie, wrote character digests, filled my wall with scene cards etc., to find that another company is producing something similar. Should I pack it in now, or pound away at the screenplay.

A-Hard to say. Can you make changes to make it different enough without messing it up? To me that would be the key consideration. Sometimes small changes can be profound like changing the gender of the hero for example. (if it’s creatively feasible of course)

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Q- Can you register an original movie title? I know the odds are slim that there isn't a script with my title, but still...

A- I know that you can't copyright a title --thus I'm not sure if registering will do you any good. There are trademark protection factors but I think that falls into place once a film is out there.

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Q--I’ve heard people talk about getting points with a movie and I would just like to know what they are talking about...

A- A financial interest in the profits of the film. Points determine the amount.(ie 3% of gross OR say 2% of net etc)

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HERE’S A QUESTION (that several people asked us about after an article was recently circulated) that pushes the notion about NOT introducing NEW main characters after Act 1. It stated that “there is no such thing as new Act 2 and Act 3 characters.” It continues on, “the writer must have at least ten (other) ways to reveal information about the “new” character if we don’t meet him or her till later. This can be achieved by introducing (ie: planting) the character, without the audience or the reader actually seeing him or her introduced.” It went on to say, “rethink how to weave your character into Act 1...The writer must plant; it’s her job! The audience must feel satisfied and surprised, not cheated or tricked. In The Sixth Sense, you aren’t tricked, just led.”

Well, in our view, s/he's much more right than wrong. It’s not an absolute, but a darn good rule of thumb. In this tradition we often suggest to writers, who have a big new hunk of plot later in a script, to consider starting the movie by "teasing" it up front, thus impregnating/establishing the material early on.

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IT’S THE SMALL THINGS THAT COUNT
Judy and I have been in business now for over five years and enjoy our work immensely and have rich relationships with our cherished clients. I for one feel as devoted and enthusiastic about my work as I ever have. It tickles me to no end to watch writers grow and realize their dreams. Our Monthly Contest, which started as an afterthought, has become our best kept secret. Each month, when we can find a winner (most months we can), magic occurs after we and the winning writer have slaved over the “coverage” and we send it out to over 700 viable producers and agents supplemented by both SCRIPTBLASTERS and the INKTIP.COM (doing the same via their impressive databases). The result is this: people are being read and noticed on a significant basis. It is rare if a writer gets fewer than 15 firm requests to read their script, and we have had as many as 30 (from real Hollywood players). This is a totally big deal, especially when it results in writers finding representation and getting optioned.

We want you to know that we are constantly finding ways to improve our services and to bring you quality and results. We also "break convention" and go beyond the call of duty, often quietly--until now at least.

Let me take an opportunity to mention a few these kinds of
extra touches.

--We worked with a client recently who is a story structure aficionado, but was having trouble realizing the same success in the actual writing. With his permission and blessing, we asked a writer friend of ours, who welcomed the practice, to write 10 pages of this script to show how wonderful it could be. I believe that this inspired the first writer enormously. There was no charge for this, the pleasure of the adventure was quite enough.

--Several months ago, we were aching for a monthly winner--nobody was ready...yet. We tracked down a script that we had worked on several months previously (our rules allow us to do this) and, after realizing that his revision was on target, drafted the guy and his script as our winner. He is the one who got 30 requests to read his script.

--One of the companies we deal with owed us a submission. We donated this to an ex-winner who had already received great exposure but had not yet sold his script. We believed in the project and wanted to go the extra mile. He now has at least 15 more buyers and agents reading his material as a result of this.

--As many of you know, we have a Works in Progress business (WIP), in which we help writers on a developmental level. We make it a practice to find ways to give writers extra free time if they're having trouble getting to the next step or need some extra time to finish up. We're happy to do this. It makes us feel connected and familial.

--On some occasions, when we receive scripts that we can tell after our first read (we read scripts twice) has some fatal flaw that needs to be corrected before it can become viable, we'll call the writer, tell them what the problem is, and offer to read it again for free if they want to make the adjustment and send it back corrected.

-There have been times when we read a script and realize that our partner would do a better job (for whatever reason)and with writers permission, forward it to our associate, with no extra charge even though time’s been vested.

--Recently, we had a New York producer bring us a project (a TV pilot) that needed work. He had taken it as far as he could on a writing level. We went the extra mile. We hooked him up with the right LA pro who worked with both of us in putting together a terrific presentation for the project. It was harmonious, fun, and the deal was fair. We charged nothing extra for doing this.

I hope that you don't find this article too self-serving. This is real stuff and we wanted to make you aware of our willingness and extra effort.
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A QUIET WORD TO A CLIENT READY TO “WRITE FOR THE MARKETPLACE” RATHER THAN HERSELF

My experience is this--many, many good things that happen in this business are the result of passionate artists who stick to their creative guns. Often projects that don't fit into the Hollywood cookie -cutter prerequisite pattern have a way of sustaining life when there is no real logic to support them. My advice is to pursue projects such as these as much as you can and to trust life. I for one always love to read something which comes out of this glorious place.

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LAST WORD ON STAGE DIRECTIONS AND LAYERING
As most of you know, we are great proponents of the use of stage directions (i.e. notations on the script connoting body language, etc. ”They locked eyes,” “she began to sweat,” etc.). This practice includes cleverly constructed NARRATIVE usage as well: “Joey has loved her for years but had gotten nothing in return.”

Many screenwriting books eschew stage directions, but what they really want you to avoid are awkward and inflated technical instructions meant for the director. I certainly agree with that. But I believe that pages of pure dialogue without the garnishment of physicality (indicating subtext etc) just isn’t good enough. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Let’s say that you have a scene where two young lovers are at a crowded train station. We can hear the train almost arriving. Our attractive twosome is having a huge argument about THE TRAIN SCHEDULE.

Now, we realize VIA KEY STAGE DIRECTIONS that what’s really happening is that they are so in love that they hate the idea of parting company and are projecting their anxiety via a stupid argument about the train schedule. So here’s my point: without stage directions indicating the nuances of their real feelings, THE SCENE WOULD BE ABOUT THE TRAIN SCHEDULE AND NOT MUCH ELSE.

--The stage directions/narrative can be as bold as follows:
*Joanne can’t bear to say goodbye.
*Bobby gulps down a tear only to discover another.
*Bobby channels his anxiety into another comment about the arrival time.
*They lock eyes fully knowing what the train whistle means.

And in a recent newsletter, we also wrote an article on the benefits of a practice called LAYERING, which is taking otherwise static, often talking-head type scenes, and creating concurrent action components to keep things moving. In the article, an example we used to illustrate this point was of two guys in a bar having a exposition-laden conversation. We suggested that this inevitably boring exchange could be pleasantly augmented by say adding a game of killer 8-ball for them to play. So while we (the audience) enjoy the drama of the game, the guys trickle out the needed exposition as they chalk their sticks and smoke.

Something like this could work like a charm as could even more sophisticated approaches. The following idea for a scene is an example of this and a model of how COMBINING EVENTS IN A SCENE can strengthen everything and give you a more memorable ride.

OK, let’s say that you have a scene where Jack is going to propose to Mary. You’ve already created a thread where every time he starts to spit it out, something comes up and interferes. So already you’ve given it some spin. So you now add to the piece by say putting them in a diner, and just as he’s ready to bring it up, he notices that there’s a bank robbery occurring across the street.

No way this is going to stop him.

So his mission is this: while he’s proposing, he also has to distract her from noticing the commotion across the street. So right now we’re getting three synergistic benefits.

1) the proposal
2) the tension involved as to whether or not he’ll finally make the proposal or something else will ruin it
3) the hijinx involved in him trying to distract her

And there’s one extra benefit. If the bank robbery is fun to watch, you’ve just added another layer.

Folks, it would be hard for any writer not to write a scene like this well.
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HEY WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS
I thought you would want to know. It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news. Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never realized how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, their two children - John Dough and Jane Dough and they had one in the oven. He is survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 345 for about 20 minutes.
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SCRIPTBLASTER has an incredibly vast data base of producers, agents, managers and the like. They can zap your coverage or query directly into the hands of many viable Hollywood producers, agents, managers etc. A unique feature is that the emails will be generated from your own personal email so industry professionals will respond directly to you. (http://www.scriptblaster.com)
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If you want to find out more about Hollywoodscript.com and the work we do with screenwriters and their scripts, please visit our site at http://www.hollywoodscript.com
Copyright 2003 Hollywoodscript.com LLC , all rights reserved.

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SCRIPTBLASTER has an incredibly vast data base of producers, agents, managers and the like. They can zap your coverage or query directly into the hands of many viable Hollywood producers, agents, managers etc. A unique feature is that the emails will be generated from your own personal email so industry professionals will respond directly to you. (http://www.scriptblaster.com) Among offering other important services
___________________
If you want to find out more about Hollywoodscript.com and the work we do with screenwriters and their scripts, please visit our site at http://www.hollywoodscript.com
Copyright 2003 Hollywoodscript.com LLC , all rights reserved.