INSIGHTS FOR 2008
IF YOU NEVER WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT SCREENWRITING (AND MARKETING),
KNOW THIS!!
by Craig and Judy Kellem
_____________
*WRITER’S BLOCK is an irritant, not a sentencing. It may be a gift, believe
it or not. Blocks are often a sign from the self to the self that one has reached
some sort of turning point. This impasse in writing tells the writer s/he has
begun to touch new or unexamined territory, emotionally and story wise, which
s/he is not ready to deal with for some reason. It can be a flag that a defining
place has been reached in the material (and inside her/himself) and this needs
to be addressed. The mind will not allow the fingers to move forward until the
creator has stopped and really confronted what truly lies at the heart of the
block. A wise and established novelist once warned, "The novel always falls
apart. ALWAYS. The trick is not to panic and stop. The real writer writes through
it."
*The Two Times a CONCEPT IS IMPORTANT :
The FIRST TIME is when you're developing your idea. You'd be surprised how many
well-intended writers come up with a notion, fail to think it out and work their
fannies off only to discover that they shouldn't have "begun what they begun."
The OTHER TIME a concept is important is when you've finished the script, dotted
the i's crossed the t's and now it's time to send it out. Assuming that the script
is great, the veracity of your concept will now make or break you.
*SCENES AS CONCEPTS. Professional writers understand that ALL scenes count. And
there is no room for filler or bridges. Each should have its own magic, raison
díetre, veracity and power. Adhere and make every second, every frame,
every line a meaningful experience, a drop of inspiration imbued with integrity,
imagination and soul. Adopting this attitude as the assembly line prerequisite
can prevent you from breezing through in order to get to the "big moment."
*LESS is almost always better in screenplays. Writing the "chateaubriand" of
a scene is the name of the game, then cut away to the next fillet. Fat is a no
no, a bit of gristle should be carefully doled out. WRITE IT TIGHT OR TRIM IT
DOWN.
*Don't MIX FORMS to "cover" all bases. If you're going to do a movie
where people throw pies, then let them throw pies. Save your Oscar winning love
scene for another script.
*If, in the course of a screenplay, Tom Dick and Harry need to be provided with
the same info, tell Tom and when we get to Dick and Harry, let’s ASSUME
that they've been told off camera.
* DON’T start with a mystery and end with the hero finding great love.
End by solving the mystery.
*STAGE DIRECTIONS ARE OKAY. Someone spread a rumor that you shouldn't tell directors
and actors what to do. Physical actions/gestures/attitudes/reactions etc. described
in narrative or parentheses that enhance subtext and cinematic action are called
stage directions. Don't hesitate to use the very tool that can help make or break
your
script, (i.e. the stage directions).
*HIDE EXPOSITION (ie: info the audience needs to be told). Spread it around.
Keep it as invisible as you can and always try to convert it into ammunition
(AKA action).
*SUBTEXT is the name of the game. Potential lovers nervously conversing about
train schedules (when you know their real underlying "conversation" is
about their aching desire for each other), is usually more compelling and effective
than the same twosome spilling every thought in their head.
*REMEMBER, it’s not how long your script is. It’s how long it should
be. So 115 pages may be OK but not necessarily for YOUR script.
*LAYER SCENES. One of the most effective strategies writers use is to add extra
juicy tidbits and mini-subplots WITHIN scenes, while the main story continues
to unravel. (ie: a bar scene where two people HAVE to talk could be greatly enhanced
by a simple game of “killer pool” while they say what they have to
say).
*Make room for SURPRISES. Audiences love them.
*WHAT'S A GOOD STORY? There are many definitions. Ours would be, "something
that rings true, that's important and is worth telling." It's also has to
be ABOUT something. Even the silliest lowball comedy should have a "reason
to be."
*WHAT'S A BAD STORY? we heard this definition somewhere-- a bad story is often
a "long lie that after a while, even you don't believe." Many inadvertently
get lost in a vacuum with their projects, fabricate stuff and end up telling
long lies. How do well-intentioned writers end up writing long lies? It usually
happens when we don't spent the time doing the spade work, when we haven't thought
things through AND WHEN INSTANT GRATIFICATION TO GET THE SCRIPT FINISHED DOMINATES
THE PROCESS.
*The moment you THROW SOMETHING IN that doesn't belong in your story, solely
for the sake of appealing to some imagined reader who you think wants a bit more
sex or sentimentality--at that moment, your story dies a little and becomes a
little more of a lie.
*FINISHING a script can be both a thrilling and terrifying time. After all those
months of being on the mission, brainstorming, obsessing, getting blocked, breaking
through, endless hours--the party's over. Now the fun begins. It's end-game time.
At this point, many up and coming writers believe with all their hearts that
if they were ONLY able to find the right agent or producer they'd be set. Hollywood
would discover what you already know. You've got a winner! The last thing you
want is to find out that there's more work to be done. In our experience --there
usually is. And it's CRITICAL WORK! So there's one more thing to do BEFORE YOU
SHOP IT. Get someone who knows what they're doing to read and evaluate your script.
Find out what you've really got.
*SLOW DOWN. Make sure it's right before you send it out. Life will not pass you
by. "It will be there when you get there."
*QUERIES--TO DO OR NOT TO DO? Though there’s much hubbub that no one reads
them and they’re a loser’s marketing strategy, the truth is material
and writers are still discovered via query letters. People read their mail! Try
as they might to ignore a communication, they always peek and if it catches their
interest, they'll react. Even people in Hollywood can fall in love. A smashing
communication is something that few can ignore. But the smashing query is the
exception to the rule. You need to become that exception!
*IN WRITING QUERIES, avoid generalizations. Don't be coy-- be specific. Give
them a real sense of the CENTER of your idea. These letters are meant to hook
them, but good. You need to knock their socks off. Strut your stuff. Your communication
needs to be right on target just like a good COMMERCIAL or an effective movie
TRAILER.
*Send your query letter EVERYWHERE. Producers, agents, managers, entertainment
attorneys, whomever. Blitz it.
*Don't PITCH two or more projects in a query. Producers and agents want the writer
to be obsessed with one project and, when more are offered, they can get cynical
about a possible preoccupation with marketing.
*The greatest enemy of PITCHING is the notion (often generated in the "how
to" culture) is that there is a TECHNIQUE to be learned. Forget about technique.
The only rule for good pitching is BEING YOURSELF and COMMUNICATING THE TRUTH.
In this regard, all styles are welcome. The enthusiastic artisan on the edge
of his/her seat, passionately chatting up their project can be very winning but
so can the quiet, stoic-faced waif, earnestly making his/her case.
*Remember the fundamentals of salesmanship. Try to enjoy the experience. Make
contact with people in the room. Listen when they speak. REMEMBER (ALTHOUGH IT
MAY NOT SEEM THAT WAY), YOU NEED THE GIG BUT THEY NEED THE MATERIAL, THAT'S WHY
THEY ARE THERE. YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE TO OFFER!
*It's IRONIC that many of the principles of pitching are similar to the principles
of writing itself. Contrived, formulaic writing is as boring as contrived, formulaic
pitching. On the other hand, spontaneous, bold and "from the gut" writing
and pitching has endless potential.
*COVERAGE: Hire someone to create "COVERAGE" for you. "Coverage" is
an industry staple, a document whose major function is to describe your project
and offer a short review. Agents and producers are used to coverage since it's
impossible for them to read the inevitable slew of incoming material themselves.
They generally rely on people to read it for them and provide a report, a/k/a "coverage." Though
COVERAGE from a hungry writer may be suspect, if it's accompanied by a note explaining
that its been written by a legitimate practitioner (to whom you sent the script)
and this is what you got back, it may have impact. You might tap into their Pavlovian
response to a familiar and comfortable format. What the heck, it's worth a shot.
*CONTESTS: Hollywood is always impressed with contest recognition. Check out
various screenwriting websites concerning these contests. Pick up some writing
magazines as well for this info.
*There are very few NOTE SESSIONS in Hollywood or anywhere else that are not
fairly extensive. It's just the way it is. Scripts need to be near perfect and
that requires attention inch by inch, brick by brick and piece by piece. It can
be an unruly process. Professional writers know this and they take the long note
sessions with a grain of salt. And in approaching the revision, they use this "trick"-
they take it A DAY AT A TIME AND A PIECE AT A TIME!
*OPINIONS from friends are okay, but the truth is that few nonprofessionals really
know how to evaluate and materially improve a script. They think they do, but
they don't. Friends will usually end up telling you what you want to hear. Or
worse, give broad sweeping comments with no palpable solutions ("I Loved
this. I hated that. Why? I don't know,
just cause" type "feedback"). FIND OBJECTIVE HELP.
*FEAR OF SIMILARITY of ideas? Sooth yourself with this:
1. After all is said and done, they usually aren't all that similar.
2. If the other "guy's" movie stinks it will disappear.
3. If the other movie is a gem, people will want to "imitate" it thus
creating a possible market for you.
4. If both projects are very much alike and theirs is getting a lot of heat,
lay low for a while--it will soon be off the radar screen. FEAR NOT, "we're
all really telling the same stories over and over and over again..we just have
our own voice to bring to the table."
*There is a marked, qualitative disparity between stories and images born from
REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE and those made from pure, intellectual invention. To the
artist who tries to circumvent writing from real, personal experience it has
been wisely asked: "How can you try to write for a business of emotions
and know that you're going to VEER AWAY FROM REALLY REVEALING YOUR OWN?" We
encourage you to DRAW UPON YOUR LIFE and those around you. When something effects
you, trust it, save it and when appropriate use it.
*A major reason why access to emotional ammunition is so important is that ALL
SCENES NEED TO BE MAXIMIZED. It's not enough to produce a great concept enhanced
by a few treasured moments. A winning script is the sum of parts that continuously
produces dynamite.
*Big. Small. Scenes are the bread and butter of your mood, your tone and the
emotional currency of the story you are telling. So beware and make EVERY SECOND,
EVERY FRAME, every line a meaningful experience, a drop of inspiration imbued
with integrity, imagination and soul.
*If you aren't one thousand, five hundred percent sure of WHY your movie was
a slice of life drama in act one and then turned into an E.T.-style science fiction
fantasy flick in act two, DON'T GO THERE. Decide which kind of movie you want
to write and stick close to your choice, be consistent and harmonious in the
rendering.
*Much of what distinguishes a professional from an amateur script is pacing.
NARRATIVE can be the key in this, as fast-flying, lean scripts derive serious
momentum from a strong narrative.
*If you have major new characters and situations late in a script, it’s
suggested that you PLANT ORIGINS for this in act 1.
*Most professional writers spend more of their time PLANNING their scripts than
writing them.
*The mind is a funny thing. Sometimes what we perceive to be true is not true.
This happens often with screenwriting when writers think that there’s something
on the page that isn’t on the page. We must closely examine our manuscripts
making sure WHAT’S IN OUR MINDS AND HEARTS HAS ACTUALLY BEEN WRITTEN.
*Good scripts turn on clear strong singular plots that are moved along by well-developed
characters and relevant, supportive subplots that ADD to the revealing of the
main story WITHOUT IN ANY WAY eclipsing or interfering with its unfolding.
*THE PLOT ALWAYS FALLS APART. WHAT SEPARATES THE WRITERS FROM THE DILETTANTES
ARE THOSE WHO STICK IT OUT AND WRITE THROUGH CLEAR TO THE OTHER SIDE.
*Many writers are so anxious to surprise you on page 120 that they employ the
dubious technique of telling you the absolute minimum on pages 1-119. Doesn’t
work. They call it suspense. I call it omission. There is a big difference between
the two. There is nothing wrong with teasing the audience and making them want
to know more. Nor is there anything faulty with red herrings and scenes that
end on a precipice and make you wait. These are tried and true techniques. But
you’ve got to throw your reader a bone here and there SO THAT THE LEVEL
OF CONFUSION DOESN’T BECOME THE DOMINATING EXPERIENCE IN READING THE SCRIPT.
And the bone cannot be buried so deeply that a Geiger counter is needed to detect
it. The bottom line is this: If you save everything for the end, you stand a
chance of having so alienated the confused reader that, by the time they get
to the big disclosure, it no longer matters.
*There is hardly a situation in any movie, dysfunctional or otherwise, that can’t
be justified by some movie somewhere that got away with it. But consider the
other 2000 MOVIES IN WHICH IT DIDN’T WORK!
*When the script is beginning to percolate, and your heart is beating hard because
you know you're in range, it's often time to have one "LAST" GOOD LOOK
and make sure all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted. Does the script
need a few inches more in the department of tightening? Have you maxed out on
the big scenes, or would a tweak or two take a double and turn it into a home
run? Do all scenes including the "small ones" have their own intrinsic
element of magic? Bottom line-can "good" be made even better?
*Developing ideas is an interesting activity. Two things happen when you do it
on a regular basis. One is that your relationship with your subconscious and
your “creative guide” gets keener and ideas begin to flow. If you’re
lucky, you begin to flow to such an extent that you begin to “WRITE ON
THE WALLS.” The other is that as you grow ideas, some take flight as if
on their own. This is powerful stuff.
*Regarding receiving SCRIPT NOTES FROM FRIENDS, I’d listen to them when
there’s commonality/trends in the feedback. If you get the same type of "notes" from
several people, it may be time to listen.
THREE GOOD ONES FROM BESTSELLING ALLEN RUCKER’S ENLIGHTENED INTERVIEW ON
COMEDY WRITING
*Writers write, and that includes comedy writers, unfortunately. Like shooting
free throws or skiing on one leg, writing is a mind/body activity that demands
an enormous commitment to practice. If you don't want to put in the time, become
an actor.
*The best piece of advice I ever got about comedy scriptwriting: the story happens
in the middle of the room, the comedy happens in the corners. If you take this
literally, don't become a comedy writer.
*THE BEST SOURCE OF COMEDY, NO MATTER WHAT THE FORM IS REALITY. Have an awesome
respect for reality. Reality is your friend. Most people who call themselves
comedy writers, i.e., sitcom writers and whoever comes up with those feel-good "concept" comedies
for Eddie Murphy or the like, have lost touch with reality. They make comedies
based on other comedies. Don't do this. Reality never gets old. You'll get old,
but reality is always a fetching young virgin.
THANKS ALLEN!
__________
MORE
*The biggest secret going (in my opinion) is that there are some truly OUTSTANDING
NON-PRO WRITERS out there just waiting to be discovered. There are many professional
writers who would give their eye teeth to have the talent of these undiscovered
people.
*Succeeding as a screenwriter is a PROCESS. It's less about hitting a home run
with the big script and more about doing the next right thing that propels you
and your material a step further up the ladder.
*Major turn-ons? Characters and relationships that feel real -- where they are "on
the page" -- dialogue that is honest, rings true, where I can hear the voices
and feel like I know who these people are, where there is nothing contrived or
recycled about the language. Pacing that feels deliberate, where I can trust
I'm in the hands of a smart, solid narrator, who's in the driver's seat, taking
me on a journey planned with conviction. Action that keeps the script moving,
keeps it tight, urgent. Imagery that is clear and metaphoric, like watching poetry
-- visual gestures that impress the mind. A script in which subtext and mood
have been clearly cultivated so I really feel the material, feel taken on an
emotional, visceral experience. That and more turns me on.
*Our view with queries is NOT TO SEND IT LOGLINE/SYNOPSIS STYLE. By formatting
it that way it may take away from the REALITY that you're trying to create. You
want people to become emotionally affected by your thesis and sucked into the
flow. When they're reminded that it's just a pitch via ‘formatting’ (logline,
synopsis style) you may lose a bit of punch. In other words, say it like it's
REAL!
DO WHAT YOU DON’T DO BEST
*Although
it's natural for writers to do what they do best, it's necessary to also use
other methods to accomplish our creative tasks. The humorist may need to access
real drama in order to steady his screenplay and give it a realistic foundation.
The sci-fi aficionado might be Einsteinian in her imagery but still has to find
a way to tell a story with a beginning, middle and end. And so forth. The point
of this is simple. It’s imperative that you sometimes turn your back on
your “A” weaponry and take care of business in areas of craft that
may not be your first love. For many writers, particularly those who are not
working under the lash of producer or studio, this kind of discipline can be
elusive.
Suggestions in this regard:
-Avoid exposure to the stuff that works which may distract you from what doesn’t.
-Don’t think about those things in the script that are going to “save
you.”
-Instead, remove the high test material from your desktop and concentrate solely
on the story which needs direction or the character who needs more oomph, or
the plan to endow scenes with more strategies and angles.
-Make things work that you hate with the same devotion and pride that you use
to make things work that you love.
-And most of all don’t try to solve problems with easy solutions by always
going back to your security blanket. Isolate/compartmentalize the aspect of the
script that needs work. Make the creative plan to fix and and go for it.
HOLLYWOOD OR BUST
*If you’re just writing spec scripts and you haven’t broken into
the industry, you can work outside of Hollywood. Once you’ve sold a spec
script and you’re on the map and have an agent, you may have to live in
LA, because your agent has to be able to set up appointments for you, and those
appointments can be plentiful. They don’t always have time to wait for
you to fly in.
*TWO GREAT THINGS TO KNOW:
"THE PURPOSE OF TECHNIQUE IS TO FREE THE TALENT.”
“PUT YOUR CHARACTER UP A TREE, HAVE THEM TRY TO GET DOWN BUT KEEP THROWING
THINGS AT THEM. “
*A GOOD STORY is something which captures your imagination, which taps into something
that’s happening in real life and NEEDS to be expressed in some way…that’s
usually a great measuring stick. Something we need to know about or are upset
with, or are curious about. Sometimes when you tap into something like this and
it happens at the right time, great things can transpire.
*GREAT STORY telling comes down to some essential and universal truth which lies
at the base of whatever the particular plot is, that touches and reaches people.
It can be something very simple or something deeply complex and existential.
Different writers work different ways. Some people have just a glimmer of an
idea, in which case they have to go through a process of first fleshing it out
with themselves. They will begin to break it down into individual arcs, beat
sheets, etc. And one of the things you can do is not put pressure on yourself
to have it come out of the hatch perfectly. One of the great luxuries in preparing
a project is just to splatter it on the wall for a while. You have a hot idea
--put it on an index card. What are some of the juicy moments you may have with
a given character? Put it on the cards and on the wall. Are you clear on a particular
character arc or a subplot that’s beginning to make sense? Just collect
it all for a while; look at it, play with it and trust that the creative part
of yourself now summoned, will give you more solid ideas and notions on how to
connect all the dots. Many people in today’s world expect instant results
and the creative process doesn’t work that way. It needs time to gestate
and grow.
THEY’RE ALL DIFFERENT
*If you take five professional screenplays, I’m talking “Sideways,” “Cold
Mountain,” “Sixth Sense,”– whatever, contemporary or
not, and you line up the scripts you’ll find the formatting of each script
is slightly but discernibly different from the others. Moreover, I work with
writers who use “cut to’s” and writers who would never think
of putting one in the script. There are writers that think it’s real macho
NOT to use stage directions (just let the reader imagine what the physical action
is--such as “they locked eyes” or “she begins to sweat”)
and others who put in whatever it takes to communicate the creative vision. So,
regarding the do’s and the don’ts – the real do is that your
script should basically LOOK like everybody else’s even with it’s
invariable formatting differences. The title page should be standard, don’t
use any fancy binders or anything – it should just look like everyone else’s
script. That’s the big DO. But the other big DO is make sure it’s
really good.
*When you’re doing an ADAPTATION you must be very clear with yourself on
what point of view you want to take. Do you want to follow the book, strictly
replicate the perspective from which it is told? Or do you want to give it a
different narrative spin. Also, get clear on how you’re going to write
-in dialogue and description- the very complex and (often) overly involved stories
that novelists get into, where it just sprawls on and on. One must know how to
be restrained and give stuff up. You’re not going to be able to have ALL
those characters and all those subplots and all ALL those dramas. You’re
going to have to distill what the book is about to its main core: The central
drama and a couple of subplots to contain it.
*ALTHOUGH a screenplay can be ninety-nine pages or a hundred and nineteen, it’s
an illusion that it’s a free form and you can do whatever you want to do
AS FAR AS SIZE IS CONCERNED. We live in a very fast paced society and you have
to spit it out as succinctly and judiciously as you can. There are writers who
don’t trust brevity. They trust doling it out the long way because they
are (admirably) obsessed in making sure that you understand it all. They don’t
understand that what they’re writing is not a thesis or a dissertation.
It’s a screenplay which has its own weight and “requirements.” After
all watching a film is not something you can go back and study. You’re
only going to hear it once so it’s best to figure out how to say things
in a concise way.
SHAME AS A POSITIVE
*What if every time we hear something ostensibly negative about our work, we
remembered that every writer worth his or her salt had or is going through this
exact experience as well, fully knowing that this is only part of the process
and should not in any way be taken personally. And when the sometimes inevitable
feeling of negativity and shame arises to the surface it can often be viewed
as a positive, as it reminds us HOW PROFOUND AND VITAL THIS WORK IS TO US AND
HOW MUCH WE CARE and how we need to remember to take a deep breath and stay in
the game because it is worth it. In fact you can think of it like first being
in love, always uncomfortable but usually worth the pain.
Hang in there. We all fret and blush. Avoiding it can be hazardous to our well
being.
*WRITERS SEEM TO CROP UP up from the most unlikely places. Great ideas and art,
humor and passion coming out of the living rooms and kitchens of so called soccer
moms, docs who'd rather tell jokes, and lonely kids who are bursting with important
things to say. How strange it is to be invited into their lives. Me an almost
faceless stranger involved on such an vital and intimate level. Talk about an
honor as I get to be the anonymous stranger who hopefully hears them loud and
clear, feels their passion, catches their voices, and can often do something
about making the material better, while being ever so careful not to mess it
up. And then there's always that juicy prospect that this will be the one that
you can hook up.
*AS YOU REVISE IT HELPS TO THINK ABOUT:
What is at stake for the heroes?
Why is the story being told?
How are the characters shaped, changed, transformed by each new event
which occurs in the overall story?
*RE HORROR FLICKS:
All great horror movies are driven by some greater truth or real human fear that
is being addressed through the genre. Vampires, werewolves, even Freddi Krueger
are powerful metaphors for deep human questions and weaknesses.
RE WRITING A FABULOUS SYNOPSIS:
Keep close to:
*giving a lean, bottom line pitch of youR story
*highlight key beats, key moments
*don't be shy about showing off exceptionally juicy twists, turns
*write it with as much attitude and swing as you can muster...the mood and tone
of the synopsis should reflect the mood and tone of the script. If it's a thriller,
the synopsis should be thrilling! If it's a romance, the
language of your synopsis is best made steamy..etc.
Remember in a way, you're writing a trailer, a mini movie, so have fun with it
and don't let perfectionism clamp your spirit down.
*RE: ORIGINALITY AND SEEING “YOUR IDEAS” MADE BY SOMEONE ELSE:
Keep in mind that we are ALL, really, telling the same stories over and over
and over again..we just have our own voice to bring to the table. You've got
an idea that is so good it's being made. So they make another version. You have
YOUR version, which only YOU can make
*WHEN TO SEEK FEEDBACK:
Often the best time to seek a consultation is when:
A) you've taken the material as far as you can and are in that zone where
you've hit the void, feel like you've done what you can and are now in
need of fresh eyes to break the block
B) you've reached a crucial point with the script where you're not sure
which direction to take, what the best choices are for the plot etc. and
need outside input to move forward
C) you’ve gotten so embroiled in the text you can no longer see forest
from trees and are losing track of why you started the thing in the first place,
are in need of a jump-start and some distance
But most of all, I believe you just follow your gut. If you feel in your
heart that you're ready to get some feedback, have an objective reader
carefully go through what you've got thus far and help you get clear on
what the next revision will look like, where to start etc. then send it
on out.
CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM! (BITS AND PIECE S/SAMPLES OF FEEDBACK
WE’VE
GIVEN TO OUR WRITERS)
(**these "notes" have been collected and published over
a period of time so
there may be some repetition here and there (re issues
that keep cropping up), but we decided to leave it "as is" to
show trends etc)
*The bottom line to your fundamental question is
that if material is good enough it can “sell itself.” You don’t
have to be out there to make it happen. Of course there’s work
getting it done--queries, submissions, entering contests and the like.
And it doesn’t mean that you won’t go through an obstacle
course and that it will probably take a ridiculous amount of time. But
it’s my experience that sooner or later the Missouri crosses the
Mississippi and justice is done. This doesn’t necessarily mean
a script will sell but if it’s really good something usually happens.
A door opens, an invitation to submit down the line, an agent appears
etc. But let me be clear: the process can be a real pain in the ass,
and it is smart not to let hope and expectations overwhelm you. There
are many talented new -ish writers sitting in motel rooms in Hollywood,
full of fear and loathing because it’s not going their way fast
enough. An ugly way to live, let me tell you. This is a PROCESS where
it’s best that the writer keep churning stuff out, tending to marketing
duties (about ten percent of the time), and leave the
results to the universe. All the while never quitting
the day job, until and unless
it happens.
*One hint, if I were you I'd make the adjustments
that you know are needed NOW and THEN dig into
other issues. Effective revisions are often a
WHITTLING DOWN process where light is further shed as the
piece becomes healthier and things become more
and
more obvious. First things first --go from big
to little. It’s
too good a project not to do carefully.
* Almost any effective protagonist has to find
his way, himself, or whatever, during the course
of a script. A protagonist who's got his act together
from the get-go may be a happy hombre, but
he's not great fodder for theatrical exploration....Part
and parcel to this, the experiences and adventures
along the way must brim with more
obstacles, jeopardy, challenges the whole nine
yards. Often, (in the current version) these
situations seem simplistic and
way too easy. They
need to be more clever and complex--bigger, more
dangerous multifaceted challenges. And everything
needs to be more relatable and much more EMOTIONAL.
(The good news here is that the aforementioned
adjustments will make a huge difference in your
promising draft, stem to stern).
After all,
writing a script with an overly capable protagonist
whose adventure is too easy puts you at a real
disadvantage in terms of trying to be compelling
in your storytelling. Creating a genuine underdog
for whom we feel and admire, but worry about,
and who is then confronted with climbing a mountain
every time he comes up for air, has natural rooting
currency and is always engaging (and has been
through the ages).
*The project is dripping with evidence of talent
and potential. This is mostly illustrated via
your wonderful sense of humor and also a good
instinct in the area of characters, character relationships
and viable situations. But there ’s work to be done.The
level of reality is the biggest issue...all effective
material including comedies need
to be believable. This not only applies to
scenes, sequences and
situations but also to your players and the
relationship between them...I’m suggesting to you on
a macro level to give your story and players
a less simplistic ambiance
and instead provide a true dramatic base
that has everything: a bitchin story with
legitimate twists and turns, real people,
pathos, drama, intrigue and lots and lots
of good buddy humor and
other humor all packed into one
exciting vehicle. If you analyze other good
comedy dramas (even really funny ones) you
will usually find a serious infrastructure that may not
be all that obvious but is incredibly necessary.
*Now whether or not your otherwise viable
story is all based on fact (that you obtained
from endless note-keeping, or whatever), matters
little. This is a false argument because
the TRUTH doesn’t
necessarily have anything to do with needed and workable theatricality.
Writers who use this argument to an extreme are like writers to whom
you give notes, who will point out the one movie out of five thousand
that makes their flawed script seem “right” and keeps it,
in the wake of this, mediocre. It’s not about perfect sociological
accuracy, it ’s about entertainment.
*Simply put, it can be too precarious a
venture to write a full script of things
like dreams, streams of consciousness, fantasies, etc
with little relief and diversion . At
some point, this can become too monotonous, unrelatable, and
confusing. We need to relate to something
tangible along the way.
*The paradox here is the needs that you
have with this material are more conducive
to
overall and,
yes, conceptual/philosophical
conclusions, than mathematically perfect,
exact, finite “here’s
how to do this” kind of notes. The big stuff
needs fixing first and that sometimes requires macro
changes and new directions to come from you on the
impetus of direction. It’s like the difference
between a trigonometry problem set, for which there
are exact methods to reach prescribed answers, and
a paper for say an anthropology class where the professor
gives you conceptual notes about how you can better
shape your paper to argue persuasively for your thesis,
and you have to figure out how to make that happen.
Screenwriting is art, not science.
*You have an often truly inspired but
unmistakable “one
note,” “high concept” idea. In a
nutshell, it’s too relentless. It can become
monotonous, and overdone. You never let up. If your
justification is that it’s the “fault” of
the character (“that’s how HE is”),
the times we live in or whatever--I say better change
things despite this. The solution is to first REALIZE
THIS and then to cut down on its girth, and also to
find other elements to exploit, especially in the soft
arena/nuance/other shades of life departments, in order
to give the script a sense of proportion and balance.
In a war movie for example if the note was there’s
too much combat/killing, you would need to add scenes
involving backstory, love issues, ironies and sidebars,
which would help in giving things variety and breathing
room.
*To write “bad people,” we must find the
visceral bad in ourselves and go for it 100 percent.
To write a tragic figure, we must locate the pulsating
fracture in ourselves and find a way to blow it into
fictitious souls. Ultimately, all theatrical writing
is intended to generate emotional relatability and
feeling. Audiences know when it’s genuine.
*If you want to write screenplays
for an American audience, then
you will
(unfortunately) have
to either cut out
your heartfelt philosophical passages,
or else find other ways to convey
them. Your
writing,
it seems
to me, would be much better suited
to a
book. In literature
you would have the liberty to philosophize
and to offer long and detailed
descriptions of such
things
as the
nature of sleep, light, and soul.
Film does not allow the necessary
room to
expound on
such thoughts.
Of
course, you could always try to
find ways to show those descriptions in
other ways,
perhaps
through
dialogue,
but you run a high risk of testing
the patience of an increasingly
impatient audience. Alas,
long passages
are wonderful to read, but are
not so
fun to watch being said onscreen.
**Don’t stretch things out--comedy works better
when things are done FAST!!
*Ensemble pieces are notoriously
hard to focus and organize
and, in the hierarchy
of difficult
genres,
this genre occupies the top
of the list. In this genre, the
writer often
finds
himself
having
many characters
to service, multiple stories
to invent and to somehow interconnect
them
all. Instead of
a hard
driving “high
concept” idea or something more event based/story-like
and linear, this arena skews more towards character
and character relationships that must be supported
by story trajectories which beg for validity and spine.
For without the latter, things can get rough.
*First
some mundane (but very
important points). As discussed, an essential component
of good screenwriting is the
rule of thumb; "less is more." Your script
often feels overstated/over written/redundant/talking
heads. Too much attention trying to say EVERYTHING
and then some. As a result, the pacing gets thrown
off course. It feels fat. One thing that might help
to keep things moving would be the notion of getting
into scenes as late as you can and out as early as
possible. This practice can really help. So can sweeping
the script for information that’s repeated. With
rare exception we should only hear something once.
(“If, in the course of a screenplay Tom Dick
and Harry need to be provided with the same info, tell
Tom and when we get to Dick and Harry, let's assume
that they've been told off camera.”)
*No doubt that things
are absolutely progressing
nicely, but as
I'm sure you realize,
to
write a professional
script one has to stretch
to the max.
There are many
fine, effective bits,
moments,
scenes but there are
other times where things
seem
well intended
but not
well thought-out enough
or developed. It's
so easy
for
writers, particularly
new ones,
to feel
satisfied
with a false sense
of something working, based
on a
smidgen of something
that does truly work
rather
than making
it happen
across the
board. Don’t fool
yourself with resonating
big moments. It ALL needs
to shine.
*To be honest, it's
been years since
I've seen either
film
and they're
both a bit
fuzzy in
my mind, plus
I'm not sure I'm
totally clear on what you mean
by wanting
to incorporate
these films
into your
own.
I gather from your
questions you mean,
you just want to
model your
characters after
those in
said movies?
That's a great thing
to do, it's great
to study how other
character
treatments
have
been done,
how other
writers have conveyed
the complexities
and dynamics
of certain people
in the script and
handled the threads of their
relationships with
one another.
So if you
want to model your
characters and their
ties with each
other after those
shown in the film you mentioned,
it's
a matter
of close
study,
of deconstructing
how and why it is
working in
the made films, then
sitting down with
your own material
to reshape the scenes
and dialogue to reflect
what you've
taken from
those other
movies to nuance
your own
moments.
*My basic theory
(based on plenty
of experience)
is
this--getting your
script read is NOT
the problem. It's
getting the
script RIGHT so that
when it gets
read, something good
happens!
*Planning a script
is an act of simplifying
rather
than
the opposite.
And above
all it's a blueprint
for a practical,
doable approach
to getting
something down
on paper.
*In this piece
of work the high-concept
aspect
could
work well but
when you get into the
script itself
it must, to a
reasonable extent, be embedded
in reality, rather
than the
continuation
of things that
are
so contrived
that it loses
it’s credibility. When
that happens, it’s
hard to score.
*My suggestion
is that you
track your
various
story/character
arcs, making
sure that
each one has
a true beginning,
middle
and end, has
surprises,
pays off, and
is sprinkled
with
eventful
and meaningful
scenes.
I’d also
consider implementing a “wraparound” wherein
the movie begins at the scene of the crime and then,
using flashbacks, shows how we got there, occasionally
renewing the present tense dilemmas until we catch
up with real time. In that way you can avoid having
a script that may feel imbalanced with “nothing
happening” in the
first half and too much
happening in the second
half.
*So let me
put it this
way:
what you
have,
in a way,
is the best
and worst
of all
worlds -
a good
concept,
effective
action, a worthy villain,
and
a protagonist
with a cause.
That’s a lot! But,
as stated, it now needs
a better sense of orchestration,
confluence,
continuity, and context
to pull off what is a
busy and ambitious piece
of
work. Sometimes, the
more unusual and intricate
a
script is the more case
and story management
it requires.
*It’s simply a case wherein you made the classic
mistake of going hog wild with comedy on top of comedy
on top of comedy, without considering the important
factor that the best comedy is derived from relatability
and reality. That doesn’t
mean that one cannot
have wonderfully over-the-top
and silly moments and
situations, but it must,
on some level, be believable
and grounded in something
with which we can identify.
*My main
issue
with the material
is that
I think
that
you try to
accomplish
too much:
you’ve combined
a mystery with comedy, and relationship-type character
piece to boot. In some cases this might be a good combination,
but with this script it creates a sense of disproportionality
wherein the mystery aspect seems shortchanged, and
the comedy-like character stuff often seems overdone
and misplaced in this venue. Let me point out that
displaying a sense of humor and offering a healthy
portion of character interaction is not a bad garnish
for a mystery. In fact, there have been many over the
years that have worked fine in this department. But
in this particular case something’s not quite
right about it. I feel it’s
a first-things-first
kind of issue, where
the MAIN
EVENT must be properly
serviced before one can
spend a lot of time in
other avenues. ...In
other words, present
a first
class,
believable, serious mystery,
COMPLEMENTED by an intriguing
character study, and
everything else is FROSTING
on the
cake.
*I'd
suggest
exploring
all
plots and subplots
via
story arcs
before
revising.
Let
them pass
a stringent
assembly
line
which
requires
that
each
has
a
strong
spine
with
lots
of
eventful scenes,
surprises
and
purpose.
*In
a
nutshell, it’s too plainly written and
underdeveloped and needs much more nuance, eventfulness,
and invention to properly keep the ball rolling, since
this is a character piece and doesn’t have a
built-in gimmick type concept to keep the engine hot.
This also applies in the added need to come up with
more ambitious characterizations, rather than the simplistic
ones that now exist.*A la potent Garden State and Lost
In Translation you really need to max out scenes. Every
one should have a certain dose of magic and raison
d’etre. Examples of this kind of creative ambition
(in and out of the script) would be scenes like the
Woody Allen/Diane Keaton classic when lobsters get
loose in the kitchen scene; The “suit” ranting
at the hippies in The Big Lebowski “your revolution
is over...condolences, the bums have lost;” and
Bette Midler’s
grand orgasm in Down
and Out
in Beverly Hills etc.
*A
greater sense
of the
wonder of
the future
would be
welcome, not
only from
a physical
and technological
point of
view, but
also from
a macro-geopolitical
point of
view as
well. Our
appetites should
be whetted
in curiosity
about where
we are
and what
we’ve become,
including the always underrated but oh so important
areas of morality, religious beliefs, social justice,
etc...I’m not at all saying that this becomes
some kind of a preachy, didactic piece, it’s
just when you hang out in this amazing territory these
questions are so obviously in our minds and hearts.
Also, most good sci-fi dishes this out in eclectic
and fascinating helpings because it’s
always welcome...so I
would encourage you to
make everything
much BIGGER in order
to live up to this ambitious
vision.
*At
this point,
this script
is disproportionally “sizzle” oriented
rather than substance (story) oriented, and that ratio
needs to change, as story is always the horse that
pulls the cart. And not just any story. All story threads,
including the main event, must have credibility/believability/relate
ability. This is a great secret in the elusive pursuit
of making people laugh. A guy in a chicken suit only
has so much shelf space, but feasible comedy with raison
d’etre, heart,
poignancy, and, indeed,
drama, can
be eternal.
*As
discussed, you
sure picked
a tough
arena for
an existential “make it or break it” moment
of truth. I know about four people who could
figure out how to keep a herd of
people in
one location
shucking and
jiving successfully
over a
two hour
block of
time. In
my view
you should
pick a
kinder and
gentler playing
field for
yourself. So,
it’s a tribute
to your good writing, wit and insight, that
you did as well as you did.
*As
mentioned, I’d avoid the tendency to overwrite
and overdo things, but my theory on this is that you
did it because you were short on “real material”,
which can cause the best
and the
brightest (like
yourself) to
overdo what
they actually
have. The
real trick
then would
be to
create more
plot so
that you
don’t
have to stretch.
*Both
J and
R need
more discernible
characterizations/personas
SOONER
rather
than later.
Saving the
full wad
of disclosure
cheats the
audience of
their prerequisite
right to
have some
early realization
about who’s who and
what’s what. To receive hints early on that we
are dealing with a couple of guys who are down on their
luck, fragile, vulnerable, and even desperate, automatically
whets our appetite to want to know more about them.
This applies in a story sense as well. Because if they’re
both basically okay and only doing their normal day-to-day
activities, then what’s your story franchise?...The
bottom line is this: give these characters more conflict,
angst, obstacles, woes, and situations, and they will
automatically become more interesting, and also their
dreams and goals will become more story-like because
we will be worried about them, rooting for them, and
wonder “what’s going to happen next?” That’s
the essence of what story
is about and why we continue
to turn pages.
*Although
there’s lots of room for good fun and
spectacular action, the “crime story” must
also ring true and, in its own way, be as dynamic and
inventive as any effective crime story/drama whether
the mother vehicle be comedy or drama. Currently, the
situation is too “broad and bozo” often
over-the-top, and not really all that intriguing, mysterious,
or surprising. And it needs to be. What I’m suggesting
to you on a macro level is to give your story and players
a less simplistic ambiance and instead provide a true
dramatic base that has everything: a bitchin story
with legitimate twists and turns, real people, pathos,
drama, intrigue and lots and lots of good buddy humor
(and other humor) all packed into one exciting vehicle.
If you analyze other good comedy dramas (even really
funny ones) you will usually find a serious infrastructure
that may not be all that obvious but is incredibly
necessary. And if all comedy were predicated on just
being funny, you’d be way ahead of the pack.
But the fact is that it’s
not. Comedy is kind of
a shield for pain, angst,
and tragedy, and these
qualities are usually
present in all good comedy
offerings.
**As
discussed, this
script definitely
shows a
kind of
raw promise
in that
there are
many bits,
moments, parts
of scenes,
and scenes
that work,
and also,
this area
of contemporary,
twenty-something angst,
conflict, and
beingness is
very movie-friendly
and you
seem to
know the
arena very
well. So,
I would
look at
what you’ve written
so far as a vibrant SOURCE
from which a better-crafted
screenplay can be derived. Make
up your
mind to
employ real
selectiveness and
economy in
the next
draft. Part
and parcel
to this
would be
to reorient
yourself away
from a
talking heads/conversational
style,
and instead
to create
a more
cinematic motif
where people
do things
and action
occurs around
them. It
is urgent
that you
identify each
story arc
within the
screenplay and
then work
on their “spines” before
writing, making sure that they’re maxed out in
terms of telling full and satisfying individual stories,
however small some might be. Criteria used here includes
- is there a real beginning, middle, and end? Are there
surprises? Does it pay off? And are the scenes full
and eventful, etc.? A screenplay is a sum of its parts.
Therefore, those parts must be scrutinized, tweaked,
and balanced before they all come together. (Please
re-review my article “Story Story Story,” which
can found on our site under “Useful
and Important articles.” These
prerequisites
will
be so
important in
taking your
well-founded
creative
intentions and
sensibilities
and
giving them
form, shape,
dimension, purpose,
and proportionality.
You could
compare it
to a
makeover, wherein
someone actually
finds the
right look,
the right
weight, the
right clothes,
etc., and then is
truly prepared
to go
out in
the world
and do
their thing
successfully.
**Sharing
the protagonist’s role feels awkward,
as “tag-team” protagonists are not common,
and for good reason (it’s hard enough making
ONE protagonist work). If the story is ultimately about
both of them, with a shared thematic connection, then
both need to be reasonably ubiquitous (or at least
well-seeded/planted) throughout most of the script
so that we understand, without ambiguity, that we are
dealing with a two-person “hero” situation.
**Granted,
many films
such as
Airplane,
and
various
Jim
Carrey movies etc, are
zany and
often over-the-top.
But they
are also
cagily believable
in their
own way,
and this
does not
happen by
accident,
as
comedy practitioners
know how
burned they
can get
just going
for the
laughs and
rationalizing
away
the need
for these
other critical
tenets of
comedy.
**Bulkiness
and the
lack
of
a consistent
and ubiquitous
protagonist
makes
the script
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