Revising for Dummies

by Craig Kellem

REVISING FOR "DUMMIES"

I recently had a session with a writer client who had written a very good script. The phone consultation lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes, in which I gave him what I considered to be very important notes that would surely make his script even better. At the end of the session I detected a little trepidation in his voice and asked what was wrong.

He reported that although the notes sounded right on, he felt a bit overwhelmed about where to start and wanted the "writing for dummies instructions." (His term not mine). I felt for him. Been there myself!

I explained to him that there are very few note sessions in Hollywood or anywhere else that are not fairly extensive. It's just the way it is. Scripts need to be near perfect and that requires attention inch by inch, brick by brick and piece by piece. It can be an unruly process.

Professional writers know this and they take the long note sessions with a grain of salt. And in approaching the revision, they use this "trick"- they take it A DAY AT A TIME AND A PIECE AT A TIME!

It's a method that works.

Even the pros would be challenged if they chose to think about their work in totality. Scripts are hefty. Often your scene inventory is bulging with subplots, tangents, "runners" (ie: very short subplots) and the like. It's massive. It's hard to fully comprehend the totality of your creation.

So I told the writer what I tell most writers facing the same dilemma.

Start the revision process on the "blueprint"/planning level rather than the actual writing level by checking out each character's "arc." This method covers most of the "usual suspects" in script-blues and especially omnipresent story problems.

List the important scenes of a given story (one or two sentences for each scene) in chronological order.

For example, take MARY'S story:

1. MARY meets Bill in a parking lot after she runs over his foot.

2. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital they have an argument about who's fault it was. MARY departs in a huff.

3. Later, after he's discharged, he exits the hospital. MARY is waiting for him at the entrance with a picnic basket and a plan.

And so forth.

Once the arcs are completed, look them over. Look at each story on a microscopic level. Does it have a beginning, middle and end? Is it fat or skinny or just right? Is it balanced? Does it have a surprise or two? Does it have a pay-off? Has it fulfilled whatever thematic idea you're going for? Can you tell the story to someone clearly, confidently and without their eyes glazing over? Do the scenes work? Is it ready?

Seem simple huh? It is. But you'd be surprised how many unchecked stories have flaws and problems with logic, that could be fixed by this kind of scrutiny.

The magic of this approach is that LESS is better. Writers often resort to hearty rationalization during the difficult period of preparing or revising their script. They are surrounded by so much material that, when difficulty arrives, they always have their "greatest moments" to fall back on. Thus, it can be both healthy and delightfully frightening when you take your story down to the level of NAKED PLOT POINTS. No hilarious jokes inhibit your clarity. You don't have those five "can't miss" pages to admire and soothe you.

You're looking at your B story. It has seventeen scenes. Each scene is described in only a few words. There's no fat to inhibit the exam. It either works or it doesn't. YOU CAN SEE IT!!"

After launching this process, you will have various arcs of each and every story, large and small draped proudly on your wall, subject to scrutiny and adjustment. Like a general you get to inspect your troops, lined up, out in the open, readiness or lack thereof apparent. Your whole movie will be in front of your eyes. And you will be able to see it as if you had x-ray vision. The brown cards are Joe's story; the yellow cards are Joanne's and the "runner" is on the white cards that you threw in. And there's the act breaks--tent poles indicating plot twists -beginning, middle and end. What a sense of orchestration and order.

Story maladies can dramatically affect the potential of a screenplay; they're definitely the usual culprits. When a producer sits down to read the script and something is wrong, dollars to donuts it's story related and could have been prevented by deft preparation and scrutiny on the assembly line.

It will pay off.

To show you how this system works, I'm including partial breakdowns from a classic most people know, THE GODFATHER. Consider them exhibits A and B:


EXHIBIT A: MICHAEL IN SICILY ARC
(Michael has to leave the country and lay low after shooting a couple of guys including a police captain)

THE ARC
--Michael greets Don Tommasino (local gangster) as he gets out of his car. The Don tells him that Mike's enemies are aware of his presence in Sicily and warns him to be very careful.

--While walking to Corleone, Mike sees a beautiful girl and is hit with the "thunderbolt."

--In the town, Mike's bodyguards describe the girl to a cafe owner, named Vitelli, who quickly becomes furious with them. They realize that the girl is his daughter and try to leave, but Mike tells them to bring Vitelli to him. He explains who he is, and tells the man of his intention to marry his daughter. Vitelli realizes that Mike is an important man and agrees to have Mike meet the girl under the supervision of his family. Her name is Apollonia.

--At the first meeting, Mike presents Apollonia with an expensive gold chain, a clear signal that he wishes to marry her. At lunch, he looks at her and she strokes the chain around her neck. They smile at each other.

--Mike marries Apollonia in a traditional Sicilian ceremony.

--On their wedding night, we see their first kiss as they begin to make love.

--Months later, Mike is teaching Apollonia to drive a car around the driveway. It is clear that they are very much in love. Don Tommasino arrives and tells Mike of his brother Sonny's murder and advises him to move to a different villa. As Apollonia is about to pull the car around, Mike notices his bodyguard Fabrizzio slipping out of the gate. He realizes that something is amiss and yells to Apollonia to get out of the car. It is too late, and the car explodes.


EXHIBIT B: SONNY'S ARC
Sonny (eldest, wild and crazy son. In over his head after his father, The Godfather, is shot)

THE ARC
--During the wedding reception, Sonny notices some men copying license plate numbers in the parking lot. He becomes furious and approaches them, then realizes that they are FBI agents and he can't make them leave. He spits on their car, and on his way back to the party he grabs their camera and smashes it, then throws them some money on the ground.

--Sonny whispers into the ear of the maid of honor, Lucy, then walks away. She follows a minute later. Sonny's wife turns around and realizes that he is gone, and looks dejected. Meanwhile, in the house, the young girl follows Sonny upstairs. The Don tells Tom Hagen to get Sonny. Tom knocks on a door, and inside we see Sonny having sex with the girl. Tom tells him to come down and laughs.

--In the meeting between the Family and Sollozzo, Sonny slips up and shows his enthusiasm for the drug deal. After Sollozzo leaves, the Don scolds Sonny for being so stupid.

--After the Don has been shot, Sonny gets a call at home telling him that Tom Hagen has been captured and that he will return with Sollozzo's new proposition, and Sonny is advised to listen to Hagen.

--In a meeting with the caporegimes and Mike, Sonny tells Clemenza to kill the Don's bodyguard, Paulie, for betraying the Don.

--We learn that Sonny has started a war by killing Bruno Tattaglia in retaliation for the attempts on his father's life.

--In a meeting with Mike, Tom, and the caporegimes, Sonny tells Mike about Sollozzo's offer to meet with him, but says that he doesn't want to negotiate any longer. Mike offers to kill Sollozzo and McKluskey.

--Sonny leaves Lucy's apartment, kissing her on the way out, and is followed out of the building by several bodyguards. He goes to pick up Connie at her apartment, but when he arrives he sees that Carlo has been beating her. Sonny becomes irate and runs out of the apartment. He drives to the bookmaking operation that Carlo runs and beats him mercilessly in the street.

--Sonny's mother hands him the phone with a crying Connie on the other line.. Knowing that Carlo has beat her again, Sonny runs out of the house and speeds away, followed by bodyguards in another car. He is gunned down at a tollbooth in an obvious ambush.
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