WRITING BETWEEN THE LINES: THE POWER OF PERSONA

by Judy Kellem

When a writer friend recently asked what - apart from story - I found to be screenwriter's biggest problem I answered, "the narrative." He laughed knowing I write fiction, then asked me to explain. Here's what I said.

Much of what distinguishes a professional from an amateur script is pacing. Narrative can be the key in this, as fast-flying, lean scripts derive serious momentum from a strong narrative. A powerful narration starts with an economy of words - but doesn't stop there. Professionals often have the added edge of using an omniscient narrative voice that sneaks between the dialogue and woos the reader in such a way he/she feels swept along. This voice creates a sense of speed. It is a personality that enters the visual aids, location and character descriptions, guiding us from scene to scene. In amateur scripts, these directions are often dense, overwritten or simply lie like cold instructions upon the page. The result: The pacing gets sabotaged. Dull narration slows everything down, losing reader interest when the talk stops and the directions start in.

Many professionals know that these directions avail themselves to this extra narrative voice, an "MC" if you will, who - like a character of sorts in itself - will race the reader along. Most of this voice comes from descriptive language that swings with attitude.

As an example:

A. MORE NEUTRAL NARRATIVE:

EXT. ON THE HIGHWAY

Paul drives fast. He smiles at a neighboring driver (blond, 30's) who doesn't look back. She passes and gravel knocks his windshield.

PAUL (very upset)
"Women drivers!"

VERSUS

MORE DESCRIPTIVE NARRATIVE (Exaggerated for illustration):

EXT. ON THE HIGHWAY

Paul blasts down the highway, a lunatic's beam plastered on his face. He flashes a wet gummy grin at a blonde (30's), who splatters his windshield with gravel as she passes.

PAUL (foaming at the mouth)
"Woman drivers!"

It is a subtle but powerful presence that, if charming and seductive brings not only vitality and life into any script, but gives that unstoppable movement necessary to keep material a compelling read.

A hidden narrator can shift the reader's perception of the story, can influence the cadence of dialogue, can alter the way in which the screenplay is experienced as a whole.

Think of it this way: Say you're at dinner and someone tells a great or not so great story. If the person telling it is interesting, beguiling, humorous, engaging you often pay attention regardless of whether or not you care about the subject matter. And, you're probably open to hearing more stories from this person either way. You keep listening.

I do "coverage" - meaning, I analyze professional scripts for agencies/studios- and have found that many of these screenplays have this extra voice. (This is in fact an old pro trick, as is sneaking info into the narrative even when the pro knows it'll never get on the screen. They play with the difference between a selling draft and a shooting draft - often it takes the former to get to the latter.) These narratives convey an intimate quality, as if a distinct person were whispering the whole film into my ear, asking me to see it and feel it. This creates a sense of the familiar, a cushy universe within which to travel. Often it is as if I were hand in hand with a friend who is telling me a tale.

The difficulties in doing this are of course, two-fold:

1) You've got to be able to craft this voice in very little space. Narratives need to be short and sweet, very, VERY lean or the script feels like a book and we forget we're supposed to be "watching" and start to feel ourselves "reading".

2) You've got to strike a voice that is lovable. If your narratives are carried by an unlikable persona it's a disaster - like getting stuck at a party with an annoying host who won't leave you alone. One must be careful of what MC is hired for the job.

Ultimately, story and dialogue count most in the final vote of great screenwriting. Still, this trick of the trade is certainly worth noting and considering in the quest to make your script stand out among the rest.

Copyrighted Judy Kellem 2000